“You sailed through what should have drowned you. And because of that, I know I will survive whatever comes next.”
A Letter to My Younger Self
Dear Younger Me,
I remember you clearly. A young man full of hope, walking through the halls of the University of Nairobi with dreams bigger than fear. You believed in hard work, in honesty, and in the power of knowledge to change lives.
You chose medicine because you wanted to heal people. You did it not for fame or money. Deep inside, you believed that saving even one life was worth a lifetime of effort.
You studied day and night, determined to master the complex science of the human body. Years later, you stood proudly in the operating theaters of Kenyatta National Hospital as a neurosurgeon. Your hands carried the responsibility of touching the most delicate organ in the human body—the brain.
Every surgery was a battle between life and death, and many times, you helped life win.
You built a career based on trust, skill, and dedication. Patients believed in you. Colleagues respected you. Your family looked up to you.
Life felt meaningful.
But if I can reach back through time and whisper something into your ear, I would tell you this:
Life does not always change because of the big decisions we make. Sometimes it changes because of the smallest ones.
One ordinary day, you will buy a second-hand mobile phone. It will cost only two thousand Kenyan shillings. You will buy it from someone you know at the hospital—a mortuary attendant. You will not question it. To you, it will be just a cheap phone. Your daughter can use it while studying at Moi University.
It will feel like a simple act of love from a father to his child.
But that phone will carry a history you cannot see.
It once belonged to Moses Gituma, a senior official at the Central Bank of Kenya and brother to the then Commissioner of Police, Mathew Iteere. He had been robbed and murdered, and his belongings—including the phone—were taken by criminals.
The phone will pass through unknown hands until it reaches you.
Years later, investigators will trace the device. The trail will first lead to your daughter’s boyfriend. Then, it will lead to your daughter. Finally, it will lead to you.
You will tell the truth. Calmly. Clearly.
You will explain that you bought the phone second-hand and had no idea where it came from.
You will believe that the truth will protect you.
But the truth will not save you.
In 2009, a court will convict you and sentence you to thirty years in prison. When you appeal, hoping justice will correct the mistake, your sentence will instead be increased to death.
Later, it will be commuted to life imprisonment.
And just like that, the life you built for decades will collapse.
Your career will disappear.
Your freedom will vanish.
You will watch the world move on without you.
Today, I write this letter from inside Kamiti Maximum Security Prison, where I have spent more than two decades.
But here is something important I want you to know.
Even when life takes everything from you, it can’t take who you are.
Inside these prison walls, I refused to stop being a doctor. I help sick prisoners when they need medical advice. I treat wounds when I can. I care for people who have been forgotten by the world.
I also trained as a paralegal to help inmates prepare legal documents and fight for their rights.
In a strange way, I am still doing what you dreamed of doing when you were young:
Helping people.
So if I could give you a few lessons before life takes its unexpected turn, I would tell you this:
Be careful with the small choices in life, because sometimes they carry invisible consequences.
Never assume that justice will always be fair, because even systems created to protect people can make mistakes.
Do not let your identity depend on your title or your freedom. A doctor is not defined by a hospital building but by a heart that cares for others.
And most importantly, never lose hope.
Because hope is the one thing no prison wall can truly hold captive.
Younger me, life will not go the way you expect.
But even in the darkest places, you will still find ways to heal others.
And that, in the end, will remind you that your purpose was never truly taken away.
With wisdom earned through pain,
With love and gratitude, Your future self, Dr. Clement Munyao Katiku
“Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love.”
Mental health is not just about the absence of illness. Mental health is about thriving, resilience, and harnessing the full spectrum of human emotions.
As you navigate the complexities of your life, understand the principles that provide a foundation for your mental well-being. This understanding can be your North Star.
In this exploration, let’s learn what mental health really is. We will uncover the lurking threats that challenge your mental health. We will explore a simple model to grasp the nuances of your mental health. You will understand the foundational principles that underpin your mental health. Finally, we will discuss actionable habits and practices to fortify and nurture your mental health.
Ready? Let’s go!
What is Mental Health?
Mental health refers to cognitive, behavioral, and emotional well-being. It’s about how people think, feel, and behave. Good mental health means an individual can handle stress. They can relate to others and make informed decisions. This leads to a fulfilling life.
Conversely, poor mental health can lead to various issues, including mental illnesses like depression and anxiety.
Mental health is influenced by a variety of factors, including genetics, environment, life experiences, and biological factors. It’s essential to note that mental health is a dynamic state. It can change over time. This change is influenced by various life events and circumstances.
How the World Health Organization (WHO) Defines Mental Health
WHO’s definition of mental health is widely recognized.
They define mental health as:
“Mental health is a state of well-being in which the individual realizes his or her own abilities, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and fruitfully, and is able to make a contribution to his or her community.”
I think the key word here is “cope”. I find that coping skills are the key to sustainable mental health and well being.
Mental health is the foundational fabric of our existence, influencing our thoughts, emotions, and interactions.
It’s the compass that guides our responses to challenges. It also guides our connections with others. This guidance is vital from our earliest days to our mature years.
Mental health includes our emotional, psychological, and social well-being. It affects how we think, feel, and act. It also helps decide how we handle stress, relate to others, and make healthy choices.
Mental health is important at every stage of life, from childhood and adolescence through adulthood.
Mental Health Practices
To improve your mental health, you should follow these key practices. Nurture connections for emotional support. Focus on physical activity and sleep for holistic health. Develop resilience through coping skills and setting boundaries.
Additionally, seek professional guidance when needed and be mindful of substance use and media consumption.
These practices serve as a compass, guiding individuals towards a balanced mental landscape:
Connecting with Others: Building strong relationships with family, friends, and community is essential. Maintaining these relationships can give emotional support. They also increase feelings of belonging. Imagine life as a puzzle, and relationships are the pieces that fit together. Building and nurturing strong connections with family is important. It creates a support network. This network acts like a safety net for your emotions. It’s the comforting feeling of belonging, the assurance that you’re not alone in this journey.
Staying Physically Active: Regular physical activity can help reduce depression and anxiety. It also improves mood and boosts overall well-being. Picture your body as a happy engine. Regular physical activity is like fuel that powers up your mood. It’s like a natural antidepressant that reduces feelings of anxiety and lifts your spirits. A simple walk or a joyful dance can boost your overall well-being.
Getting Enough Sleep: Prioritizing sleep and maintaining a regular sleep schedule can significantly impact mental health. Think of sleep as your mind’s recharging station. Prioritizing a good night’s rest isn’t just about banishing yawns; it significantly impacts your mental health. Maintaining a regular sleep schedule isn’t just a routine; it’s a powerful mental health practice.
Developing Coping Skills: Learning to handle stress in healthy ways is important. You can practice relaxation exercises, meditation, or deep-breathing exercises. These practices can improve resilience. Imagine stress as a storm; coping skills are your umbrella. Learning healthy ways to handle stress, like meditation, deep breathing, or relaxation exercises, is like fortifying your mental fortress. These tools empower you to weather life’s challenges with resilience.
Avoiding Drugs & Alcohol: Substance abuse can exacerbate mental health issues and interfere with prescribed medication. Visualize your mind as a clear pond, reflecting your thoughts and emotions. Substance abuse muddles these waters, making it hard to see clearly. Limiting alcohol and avoiding drugs ensures your mental waters stay calm and clear, free from added turbulence.
Getting Professional Help When Needed: Seeking therapy or counseling when facing challenges can give valuable tools. These tools and strategies can improve mental health. Imagine life’s twists and turns as a maze; therapists are the guides who help you navigate it. Seeking therapy or counseling isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s like acquiring a map to navigate challenges. These experts equip you with tools to improve your mental health journey.
Limiting Screen Time: Reducing time spent on electronic devices and promoting in-person interactions can improve mental well-being. Picture life as a canvas, and screen time is one color on that canvas. While staying informed and connected is essential, too much screen time can over saturate your mental landscape. By reducing electronic device use and focusing on real-world interactions, you keep a healthier balance.
Avoiding Tobacco: Smoking and other forms of tobacco consumption can exacerbate mental health issues. Imagine mental clarity as a refreshing breeze, and tobacco as a smokescreen that clouds your thoughts. Avoiding smoking and tobacco consumption helps keep your mental air clear and your emotions unburdened.
Staying Informed but Limiting Exposure to News: It’s essential to stay informed. Yet, constant exposure to negative news can increase feelings of anxiety. It can also lead to stress. Imagine your mind as a ship sailing through a sea of information. While it’s vital to stay informed, being constantly bombarded by negative news waves can stir up anxiety and stress storms. Finding the right balance helps you sail smoothly through the sea of information.
Setting Boundaries: This includes setting time aside for oneself, ensuring work-life balance, and learning to say no. Imagine life as a pie, and setting boundaries is how you carve out your slice. Prioritizing “me-time,” maintaining work-life balance, and learning to say no are like setting your own terms for living. These boundaries create a space where your mental well-being flourishes.
These practices can support mental health. Nonetheless, individual needs vary. What works for one person might not work for another. Always consult with a healthcare professional or counselor when considering changes to your mental health routine or when facing challenges.
Threats to Mental Health
Threats to mental health can be multifaceted and complex, often interwoven with various aspects of an individual’s life.
Some primary patterns or threats to mental health include:
Biological Factors: Genetic predispositions, chemical imbalances in the brain, or damage due to injury or illness can influence mental health. Just like a symphony, our brain plays its own tune, and sometimes, the notes can be a bit off. Genetic predispositions, chemical imbalances, or even injuries can throw the harmony out of balance. These factors set the stage for our mental health performance.
Traumatic Experiences: Events such as physical or emotional abuse can have deep effects on mental well-being. Accidents or the loss of a loved one also deeply affect our mental health. These events can leave lasting scars. Life can sometimes be like a rollercoaster, with moments that shake us to our core. These moments, like emotional abuse or losing someone dear, can leave echoes of heartache that reverberate in our minds. They shape our mental landscape, coloring it with profound emotions.
Chronic Stress: Prolonged exposure to stressful situations can harm mental health. These situations can be related to work, relationships, or other life circumstances. They erode mental health over time. Imagine a dripping faucet. Over time, the constant drip can wear away even the strongest material. Chronic stress, whether from demanding jobs or rocky relationships, can slowly erode our mental well-being. Eventually, it leaves us emotionally weathered.
Substance Abuse: The misuse of alcohol, drugs, or other substances can exacerbate mental health issues or lead to new ones. Substances like alcohol or drugs can be like two-sided swords. They might offer temporary relief, but they can also plunge us deeper into the shadows. Misusing these substances can worsen existing mental issues or even conjure new ones.
Social Isolation: Lack of social connection or prolonged feelings of loneliness can negatively impact mental health. Imagine a room with no sound, no voices, just silence. That’s what social isolation can feel like. The absence of meaningful connections can echo loudly in our minds, causing loneliness that chips away at our mental health.
Economic Factors: Financial stress, unemployment, or living in poverty can contribute to mental health challenges. Our wallets hold more than just money; they hold stress, too. Financial troubles and unemployment can negatively affect our mental well-being. Living on the edge of poverty creates a heavy load we carry in our minds.
Chronic Medical Conditions: Living with chronic diseases or conditions can increase the risk of mental health problems. Examples include diabetes or heart disease. Imagine walking on a tightrope while juggling. Living with chronic diseases is a bit like that. The constant balancing act between physical health and mental well-being can sometimes feel like a never-ending performance.
Early Adverse Life Experiences: Childhood adversities can have long-term effects on mental health. Such adversities include neglect, maltreatment, or witnessing domestic violence. Childhood memories are like seeds in the soil of our minds. Adverse experiences like neglect or witnessing violence can plant seeds that grow into mental health challenges later in life. These roots run deep.
Cultural and Societal Influences: Discrimination, stigmatization, or living in conflict zones can pose threats to mental well-being. Just as landscapes vary across the world, so do the cultural and societal influences on our minds. Discrimination, stigmatization, or even living in conflict zones can shape our mental well-being. This sculpting sometimes occurs in ways beyond our control.
Lack of Access to Care: There is an inability to access appropriate mental health care. This can result from economic, geographic, or societal barriers. These challenges can exacerbate mental health issues. Imagine needing a lifeline but not being able to reach it. Lack of access to mental health care can create barriers that prevent us from getting the help we need. Economic, geographic, or societal obstacles can stand in the way of our journey to better mental health.
Remember, just as we care for our physical health, we should understand these patterns and threats. This understanding helps us navigate the complex terrain of mental well-being.
By recognizing these factors, we gain better tools. We can compose our mental symphony. We are able to paint a brighter picture for ourselves and those around us.
Model of Mental Health
Mental health is a multifaceted tapestry, woven with threads of emotions, thoughts, and social connections.
To truly grasp its depth and breadth, we must understand its core components.
Let’s step into the model of mental health, exploring the pillars that define and shape our well-being.
Emotional Well-being: This involves the ability to effectively manage and express emotions. It encompasses feelings of contentment, happiness, and the capacity to recover from negative emotions. It’s our inner compass, guiding our feelings and reactions. It’s about savoring joy, managing emotions, and bouncing back from life’s lows.
Psychological Well-being: This pertains to how people evaluate their own lives. It includes aspects like having a purpose, setting and achieving goals, autonomy, and having positive relations with others. This is our life’s narrative. It’s the purpose that drives us, the goals we chase, and the relationships that enrich our journey.
Social Well-being: This relates to how individuals function within society and how they perceive their contributions to their communities. It involves creating and maintaining healthy relationships, feeling a sense of belonging, and having social integration. Our dance with the world around us. It’s the bonds we forge, the communities we uplift, and the sense of belonging we cultivate.
Principles for Understanding and Improving Mental Health
Mental health is a journey, not a destination. To truly thrive, we need a compass—principles that guide our understanding and actions.
Let’s explore these foundational insights to elevate our mental well-being:
Holistic Approach: Mental health is multifaceted, encompassing emotional, psychological, and social aspects. It’s essential to consider all these facets when evaluating or improving mental health. Our mental health isn’t a singular entity but a rich tapestry of emotional, psychological, and social threads. To truly nurture it, we must embrace its entirety, understanding each facet and its interplay with the others.
Resilience and Adaptability: Building resilience, or the ability to bounce back from adversity, is crucial. This involves developing coping mechanisms, adaptability, and flexibility in the face of challenges. Life is replete with challenges. Our ability to bounce back, to bend but not break, defines our mental strength. Cultivating resilience and adaptability is akin to building mental muscles, preparing us for the unforeseen challenges ahead.
Self-awareness: Recognizing one’s emotions, strengths, weaknesses, and triggers is foundational. This self-awareness can lead to better emotional regulation and healthier responses to stressors. The journey inward is the most profound. Recognizing our emotions, strengths, and triggers is the first step in mastering them. It’s through this introspection that we can chart our path to emotional equilibrium.
Connection: Humans are inherently social beings. Building and maintaining positive relationships contribute significantly to mental well-being. We are, by nature, social creatures. The bonds we forge, the connections we nurture, play a pivotal role in our mental well-being. In unity, in togetherness, we find strength.
Purpose and Meaning: Finding purpose, whether through work, hobbies, or relationships, can provide a sense of direction and fulfillment. In the grand tapestry of life, finding our unique thread, our purpose, gives direction to our endeavors. It’s this purpose that fuels our passions, drives our actions, and fills our days with meaning.
Continuous Learning and Growth: Embracing opportunities for learning and personal growth can enhance self-esteem and give a sense of achievement. The mind, ever curious, thrives on challenges. By embracing continuous learning, we feed our intellect. We also bolster our self-worth and celebrate each milestone in our journey of growth.
Self-care: Regularly taking time to engage in activities that promote relaxation and well-being, like exercise, meditation, or hobbies, is essential for maintaining good mental health. In the hustle of life, pausing to care for oneself is not a luxury but a necessity. Whether it’s through meditation, a walk in the park, or simply indulging in a hobby, these activities help us relax. They offer valuable moments of self-care. They rejuvenate our mental landscape.
Seeking Support: Recognizing when to seek support, whether from friends, family, or professionals, is crucial. There’s strength in understanding one’s limits and seeking help when needed. There’s immense strength in vulnerability, in recognizing when we need help. Whether it’s a confidante, a friend, or a professional, seeking support is a testament to our self-awareness and our commitment to our well-being.
Avoiding Harmful Behaviors: Substance abuse, self-harm, or other detrimental behaviors can severely impact mental health. Recognizing and addressing these behaviors is essential for overall well-being. Our actions, conscious or unconscious, have repercussions. Recognizing behaviors that harm our mental state and taking proactive steps to address them is paramount to our overall well-being.
Environment and External Factors: Socioeconomic factors, work-life balance, and physical health can influence mental health. It’s essential to consider these external factors when evaluating one’s mental state. We don’t exist in isolation. Our environment, our socio-economic realities, and even our physical health play roles in shaping our mental state. Being attuned to these external factors allows us to navigate them with finesse.
By understanding these principles and incorporating them into daily life, individuals can work towards maintaining and improving their mental health.
It’s also important to note that mental health is dynamic, and individuals might experience fluctuations based on various life events and circumstances.
What are Key Coping Skills for Mental Health
Coping skills are essential tools that help individuals navigate stress, challenges, and emotional upheavals.
Here’s a list of incredibly effective coping skills to bolster mental health and resilience:
Deep Breathing: Taking slow, deep breaths can activate the body’s relaxation response, reducing stress and anxiety. It’s the art of harnessing calm. By taking deliberate, slow breaths, we tap into our body’s innate ability to counteract stress, ushering in tranquility.
Progressive Muscle Relaxation: Tensing and then relaxing each muscle group in the body can help release physical tension. This is a journey through your body’s landscape. By intentionally tensing and then releasing muscles, we shed layers of physical tension, creating a ripple of relaxation.
Mindfulness Meditation: Staying present and fully engaging in the current moment can reduce rumination and anxiety. In the chaos of life, this is our anchor to the present. It’s about fully immersing in the now, silencing the noise of past regrets and future anxieties.
Guided Imagery: Visualizing calming and positive images can provide an escape from stressful situations. A mental escape hatch. By conjuring serene and uplifting visuals in our mind’s eye, we create a sanctuary from external stressors.
Physical Activity: Engaging in regular exercise, even just a walk, can release endorphins, which are natural mood lifters. More than just movement, it’s a natural elixir. Even a simple stroll can unleash endorphins, our body’s feel-good warriors.
Journaling: Writing down thoughts and feelings can provide clarity and an outlet for expression. It’s a dialogue with yourself. Penning down your thoughts offers clarity, turning the intangible into tangible insights.
Healthy Sleep Habits: Prioritizing sleep and maintaining a consistent sleep schedule can improve mood and cognitive function. Sleep is our reset button. By cherishing it, we rejuvenate our mind and body, setting the stage for a brighter tomorrow.
Social Connection: Talking to someone you trust, whether it’s a friend, family member, or therapist, can provide support and perspective. In the symphony of life, human connections are the harmonious notes. Conversations, whether with a confidante or a counselor, weave a safety net of understanding and perspective.
Time Management: Breaking tasks into manageable steps and setting priorities can reduce feelings of overwhelm. It’s the art of crafting time. By dissecting tasks and prioritizing, we transform overwhelming mountains into climbable hills.
Setting Boundaries: Learning to say no and ensuring work-life balance can prevent burnout. A testament to self-respect. By drawing lines, we ensure a harmonious balance between giving and preserving our energy.
Engaging in Hobbies: Doing activities you love can act as a distraction and boost mood. These are our soul’s playgrounds. Immersing in passions not only diverts our mind but also infuses joy into our being.
Limiting Media Consumption: Taking breaks from news and social media can reduce feelings of anxiety and negativity. In the age of information, selective consumption is power. Pausing from the relentless media stream shields us from unnecessary anxieties.
Positive Affirmations: Replacing negative thoughts with positive affirmations can shift mindset and self-perception. Words that sculpt our mindset. By consciously choosing uplifting narratives, we redefine our self-view and potential.
Gratitude Journaling: Focusing on positive aspects and things you’re grateful for can shift perspective and improve mood. Amidst life’s whirlwind, it’s our grounding force. By spotlighting our blessings, we shift from a lens of lack to one of abundance.
Grounding Techniques: Techniques like the “5-4-3-2-1” method can help bring you back to the present moment. You identify five things you can see. You identify four things you can touch. You then identify three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. Our compass during emotional storms. Techniques like “5-4-3-2-1” tether us to the present, anchoring us amidst overwhelming emotions.
Habits & Practices for Mental Health
Here’s a high-impact, actionable list of habits and practices for each component of mental health:
1. Emotional Well-being:
Daily Reflection: Spend 5-10 minutes each day reflecting on your emotions. Journaling can be a helpful tool.
Emotion Labeling: When feeling a strong emotion, pause and label it. Simply naming the emotion can reduce its intensity.
Deep Breathing: When overwhelmed, practice deep breathing exercises to calm the nervous system.
2. Psychological Well-being:
Set Small Goals: Break down larger tasks into achievable steps and celebrate small victories.
Growth Mindset: Embrace challenges as opportunities for growth. When faced with failure, ask, “What can I learn from this?”
Limit Negative Self-talk: Be aware of your internal dialogue. Challenge and reframe overly critical or negative thoughts.
3. Social Well-being:
Regular Check-ins: Make it a habit to check in with friends or family members at least once a week.
Join Groups or Clubs: Engage in community groups or clubs that align with your interests.
Active Listening: When conversing, practice active listening. This means fully concentrating, understanding, and responding to what the other person is saying.
General Practices for Overall Mental Health:
Routine: Establish a daily routine that includes time for work, relaxation, social connections, and self-care.
Physical Activity: Engage in at least 30 minutes of physical activity daily, whether it’s walking, yoga, or more intense exercise.
Mindfulness and Meditation: Dedicate a few minutes each day to mindfulness practices or meditation to enhance self-awareness and reduce stress.
Healthy Diet: Consume a balanced diet rich in whole foods, and be mindful of caffeine and sugar intake.
Sleep: Aim for 7-9 hours of sleep each night. Establish a bedtime routine to improve sleep quality.
Limit Screen Time: Reduce time spent on electronic devices, especially before bedtime.
Continuous Learning: Dedicate time each week to learn something new, whether it’s reading a book, taking an online course, or picking up a new hobby.
Seek Feedback: Regularly seek feedback in personal and professional settings to foster growth and self-awareness.
Limit Stimulants and Alcohol: Be mindful of the consumption of alcohol, caffeine, and other stimulants.
Professional Help: If feeling overwhelmed, consider seeking professional help. This could be in the form of therapy, counseling, or psychiatric services.
Remember, while these habits and practices can significantly enhance mental well-being, it’s essential to approach them with flexibility. Everyone is different, and it’s crucial to find what works best for you and adjust as needed.
Why Practice Mindfulness for Mental Health
If you had to choose a single skill to practice daily for mental health, mindfulness would be a top recommendation.
Mindfulness, which involves staying present and fully engaging with the current moment without judgment, has been shown to reduce stress, anxiety, and depression.
It can improve your overall well-being, enhance self-awareness, and foster a deeper connection to oneself and the world around.
By practicing mindfulness daily, individuals can cultivate a more balanced emotional state, better manage reactions to stressors, and enhance their overall quality of life.
How To Practice Mindfulness
Practicing mindfulness can be broken down into step-by-step processes.
Here’s a basic guide to help you get started:
Find a Quiet Space: Choose a location where you won’t be disturbed. This could be a quiet room, a park, or any place where you feel at ease.
Choose a Comfortable Position: Sit on a chair with your feet flat on the ground, lie down, or sit cross-legged on the floor. Ensure your back is straight to allow for deep breathing.
Close Your Eyes: This can help reduce external distractions and make it easier to focus inward.
Focus on Your Breath: Pay attention to the sensation of breathing in and out. Feel the air entering your nostrils, filling your lungs, and then exiting again.
Observe Without Judgment: As you focus on your breath, you’ll notice thoughts, feelings, and sensations arising. Instead of engaging with them or judging them, simply observe and let them pass, returning your focus to your breath.
Anchor Yourself: Whenever you find your mind wandering, gently bring your attention back to your breath or another chosen focal point, like the sensation of your body against the chair or the sounds around you.
Expand Your Awareness: After focusing on your breath for a while, expand your awareness to other sensations in your body, sounds in the environment, or even emotions you’re feeling.
Practice Regularly: Aim for short sessions initially, maybe 5-10 minutes, and gradually increase the duration as you become more comfortable with the practice.
Be Kind to Yourself: It’s natural for the mind to wander. Instead of getting frustrated, recognize this as a part of the process and gently redirect your attention.
Integrate Mindfulness into Daily Activities: Beyond formal meditation, try to incorporate mindfulness into everyday tasks. This could be while eating, walking, or even during conversations. The key is to be fully present in whatever you’re doing.
Remember, like any skill, mindfulness takes practice. The more you do it, the easier it becomes to remain present and centered, regardless of external circumstances.
Mental Health is Your Bedrock for Reaching Your Potential
In our grand journey through life, where we strive to reach our fullest potential, mental health forms the bedrock of all our endeavors.
It doesn’t just influence our state of mind. It shapes how we see the world, drives our actions, and grounds our relationships.
We intertwine every challenge and joy with our mental well-being.
By prioritizing it, we don’t just avoid pitfalls; we amplify our ability to learn, connect, and thrive.
As we chart our course through life’s intricate maze, a strong mental foundation turns every twist into a lesson, every setback into an opportunity, and every triumph into a testament to the human spirit’s boundless capability.
“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better,”
My name is Job Simiyu, and this is the story of my younger self and the journey that has shaped who I am today.
I was born on 3rd September 2003 in a small village called Menu, in Bungoma County, Kenya. I grew up as the only son of Patrick Simiyu and Agnes Khaemba, surrounded by eight sisters. Being the only boy in a large family placed responsibility on me from a very young age. Even as a child, I understood that much was expected of me.
My father was, and still is, a peasant farmer who depended on small-scale farming to provide for our family. Life was difficult, but my parents tried their best with the little they had. However, in 2007, when I was still very young, my life changed completely. My mother became seriously ill and was eventually paralysed. From that moment, my childhood took a different direction.
As a young boy, watching my mother lose her strength and ability to work was deeply painful. Our home was filled with worry and uncertainty. Medical needs increased, yet our family income remained very low. I watched my father struggle every day in the farm, trying to care for my paralysed wife and provide for his children. Even though I was young and did not fully understand everything, I felt the fear, pain, and heaviness in our home.
My Education Journey
I began my primary education in 2007 at Chwele Boys Primary School, where I studied until 2019. My younger self faced many educational challenges. There were frequent times when school fees could not be paid, uniforms were missing, and basic learning materials were unavailable. I was often sent home because of fees, and those moments were painful and embarrassing, especially when I saw other children continuing with their studies without interruption.
Despite all this, my younger self refused to give up. I knew, even then, that education was my only hope of changing my life and helping my family in the future. I studied whenever I got the chance and learned patience during times of hardship.
In 2020, I joined Kaptanai High School, where I studied until 2023. Secondary school life was even more challenging. Fees were higher, my mother was still paralysed, and my father’s farming income was not enough to meet our needs. Many times, I felt overwhelmed and close to giving up, but I reminded myself of how far I had already come and why I started.
Through resilience, discipline, and determination, I managed to complete my secondary education and passed my Form Four. For my younger self, completing Form Four was not just an academic achievement—it was a victory over hardship and despair.
Faith and Values
From a young age, my faith in God became my strongest foundation. I grew up as a God-fearing person, and prayer became my refuge whenever life felt too heavy. My younger self learned to depend on God for strength, hope, and direction.
Because of the struggles I faced while growing up, I developed strong values early in life. I learned the importance of honesty, humility, hard work, patience, perseverance, respect, and responsibility. These values continue to guide me today.
Life After Form Four
After completing Form Four in 2023, I hoped to continue with college education. Unfortunately, financial challenges made this impossible at the time. This was very painful, especially because education had always been my dream. However, my younger self had already learned not to give up easily.
Instead of losing hope, I chose to remain patient and determined. I believe that education and success are journeys, not one-time events. I continue to trust in God, work hard, and seek opportunities that will help me grow and support my family.
Conclusion
From 2007, when my mother became paralysed, to the day I completed Form Four, my younger self walked a path filled with pain, struggle, faith, and perseverance. Life was not easy, but I remained resilient and focused.
My story reminds me that where I come from does not define where I am going. Through faith, determination, and strong values, I believe I will succeed.
With love and gratitude, Your future self, Job Simiyu
“One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again.”
I was born in Chewangoi, Mt. Elgon, but life did not allow me to grow up where I was born. I found myself in Chepkube, at my grandmother’s home, where my childhood truly began.
My school journey started at Kamosong Primary School, and it was never easy. My grandmother was old and a widow, struggling to provide even the basics, including school fees. Life was hard. We were five grandchildren, and we went through a lot of suffering. We were beaten brutally by our uncles, chased out of the house at night, and forced to do hard labor while still very young.
What hurt me most was not knowing where my parents were. I was abused, yet no one ever told me where my mother or father was. Deep inside, I knew I had a home somewhere, but I didn’t know where it was. Because of that, I endured all kinds of pain and torture. Eventually, my cousins could not take it anymore—some girls got married as early as 15 years old, while the boys ran away to look for work. I stayed behind because of one thing: school.
From nursery to Class Eight, the journey was extremely tough, but God gave me strength. When KCPE results were released, I performed well. My marks opened doors to many big secondary schools—something I had always dreamed of. Sadly, that dream did not come true.
After the results, my grandmother took me to the place she said was my real home. I was very happy, believing I would finally meet my parents for the first time. But my happiness did not last long. When I arrived, I was told that no one knew where my father was.
Still, God did not abandon me. My father’s brother and his family accepted me and treated me like their own child. For the first time, I felt peace and happiness. I will always be grateful. May God bless them.
My secondary education began at Kabkara Secondary School, where I completed four years. Life there had ups and downs, but I managed. After that, I joined Matili College, but due to lack of fees, I was forced to stop my studies.
I then decided to look for a job, and that decision brought me to Nairobi, where I live to this day.
Dear my younger self, I want you to know this: life will test you in ways you never imagined, but do not give up. When you are alive, accept to go through thick and thin. One day, God will lift you from grass to grace. Keep believing. Your story is still being written.
With love and gratitude, Your future self, Herbert Chemiat
I was born into a humble but loving family of eight children — four brothers and three sisters — and as the eldest, I learned responsibility from an early age. Growing up in a large family taught me the importance of patience, care, and leadership. My parents worked tirelessly to provide for us, even when life was tough, and their sacrifices helped shape the strong and hopeful person I am today.
One of my earliest memories was when I was only about two years old. Out of curiosity, I followed my mother to the river, not knowing the danger ahead. I accidentally slipped and fell into a well. People rushed to rescue me, and by God’s grace, I was pulled out alive, though I had several injuries. The scars from that day remain visible on my body, and when I was older, my mother told me the full story. That experience taught me that life itself is fragile but precious — a gift to be protected and cherished.
When the time came for school, I was an eager and hardworking student. I loved learning and often performed well, competing closely with my cousin for the top position in class. My teachers admired my commitment and discipline. However, I also learned early that not everyone will share your good intentions. One day, a classmate borrowed my books and papers but never returned them. That small act affected my studies deeply, and from then on, my academic journey became challenging. Even in college, I faced similar setbacks, losing important materials and struggling to recover. Yet, those experiences taught me resilience and the value of persistence despite obstacles.
In class six, I faced one of the scariest moments of my life when I was bitten by a snake. I suffered for nearly six months, moving from hospital to hospital without healing. Eventually, I found relief through traditional treatment. That period of pain and uncertainty strengthened my faith and showed me that healing doesn’t always come from medicine alone — sometimes it comes from prayer, patience, and hope.
Just before my final primary school exams in class eight, another life-threatening experience occurred. I had been sent on an errand using a small tractor, and on my way back, a light drizzle began to fall. As I approached home, a flash of lightning passed right above my head and struck a tree just one meter ahead of me. I was thrown to the ground, and even everyone at home felt the shock. It was one of the most terrifying moments of my life, but also one that reminded me how truly powerful God’s protection is.
Looking back at all these experiences, I see a journey of grace and strength. Every scar on my body tells a story of survival. Every hardship taught me courage, patience, and faith. I have learned that no matter how difficult life becomes, there is always a reason to be grateful. My childhood was not easy, but it molded me into a woman who believes that hope is stronger than fear and that perseverance can turn pain into purpose.
With love and gratitude, Your future self, Tabitha
Do what you can with all you have, wherever you are.
Growing up in Bungoma, I was always that curious boy who loved to see things take shape — houses, bridges, and roads fascinated me. I would often stand by construction sites, watching how workers mixed concrete, aligned bricks, and turned empty ground into something meaningful. Even then, I knew I wanted to be part of that transformation someday.
After completing my studies at Kakamwe R.C. Primary School and Tongaren C.E.B. Secondary School, I joined Kisiwa Technical Training Institute to study Civil Engineering. College life was exciting but also demanding — balancing theory with practical work, late nights of studying, and financial challenges that often tested my focus. Still, I kept pushing, reminding myself that education was the key to changing my life and honoring my family’s sacrifices.
But just as I was stepping into adulthood, life hit me harder than I could ever imagine. After graduation, my father passed away — the man I looked up to for guidance and strength. I was broken, but I tried to stay strong for my family. Then, not long after, my mother also passed on. Losing both parents within such a short time shattered me completely. I felt empty, depressed, and directionless.
There were days I woke up with no plan, no money, and no one to lean on. The silence in my home became heavier than any burden I had ever known. But deep inside, something kept whispering — “don’t give up.” I realized that if I wanted to honor their memory, I had to keep moving forward.
I started taking any work I could find — sometimes mixing concrete, other times operating machines, painting walls, or helping on construction sites. Those early days were tough. The pay was little, the work exhausting, but I refused to let my circumstances define me. Every shovel I lifted, every wall I built, reminded me that rebuilding my life was possible — one brick at a time.
Slowly, I began to grow. From being just a helper, I learned to lead teams, operate machines, and supervise projects. I gained respect through hard work, humility, and consistency. The same pain that once broke me became my motivation to build a better future.
Today, when I look back, I see a journey of strength and transformation. I’ve learned that life can take everything from you — but it cannot take your will to rise again. My parents may be gone, but their spirit lives in every goal I achieve, every challenge I overcome, and every structure I help bring to life.
My story is one of loss, resilience, and hope — proof that even when life tears down your foundation, you can rebuild yourself stronger than before.
With love and gratitude, Your future self, Emmanuell Makonge Masakha
“The whole secret of a successful life is to find out what is one’s destiny to do, and then do it.”
Dear Abdullahi,
You may not realize it now, but you came into this world in Mogadishu in 1996, at a time when the air was heavy with war and uncertainty. carrying the weight of responsibility without always having a voice. Life tested you early, but what you didn’t know then is that those very struggles were shaping the resilience, discipline, and strength that would one day define you.
I remember my childhood struggles. I trembled whenever I had to speak in front of people. I often failed to complete my assignments on time, not because I lacked ability, but because I hadn’t learned discipline or time management. I relied only on memorization, thinking it would be enough. It wasn’t. That mistake taught me my first big lesson: planning and consistency matter just as much as knowledge.
I remember my teenage years too. I was blessed with friends who motivated me, but I also chose others who pulled me away from my goals. I wasted time on football and social media. I studied only to pass, never striving for excellence. Yes, people respected me, and I respected them, but I missed out on opportunities to shine. That’s when I learned the people around you can either elevate your growth or anchor you to the ground.
University became my turning point. I transformed my mindset and committed myself fully to learning. I worked hard, discovered new skills, and pushed myself to compete for top positions. I won awards, built confidence, and proved to myself that determination can change the direction of an entire life.
After graduation, I was fortunate to find work quickly. At my job, I built a reputation for integrity, punctuality, and dedication. Colleagues respected me, and I earned promotions not only in position but also financially. Each step forward reminded me of the lesson I now carry everywhere: discipline, respect, and hard work always open doors.
Looking back, I see that my life has been a journey of mistakes, lessons, and transformation. Childhood taught me discipline. My teenage years taught me to choose wisely. University taught me focus. And adulthood taught me the power of consistency.
With gratitude and strength. Your Future Self Abdullahi.
“Your relationship with the world is a mirror reflection of the relationship with yourself.” — Kristina Mänd-Lakhani
There’s nothing worse than being your own worst enemy.
But when you become your own ally, you can transform your inner critic into an inspiring coach.
And you can’t master yourself without embracing yourself, flaws and all.
When you embrace your imperfections and practice self-compassion, they become your greatest keys to your personal growth and greatness.
Reconnect with your true self, practice self-love, and embrace your imperfections to become what you’re capable of.
Your Truth is Your Truth
If you are a truth seeker, your greatest adventure awaits:
Finding YOUR truth.
You should know that I am not going to tell you the truth you are seeking.
It won’t come from me.
Your truth is your truth, and my truth is mine.
All I can do is help you open yourself, find courage to take a flashlight and go into the basement of your beautiful building a perfect facade, and shine the light into the darkest corners of the most forgotten nooks and crannies.
It’s there that you will find your dragons which have been hiding in the dark, ignored and obliviated.
Unstoppable Quest: The Ultimate Journey of Authenticity and Truth
Authenticity cannot be easily switched on and off. Once you start your journey of self-discovery you can’t stop.
Once you set your foot on the path, you are on your own Hero’s Journey.
You have to walk the path, through mountains and forests, into the darkest cave.
You have to find that dragon and face it.
And if you live, you’ll come out the other side as a brand-new being.
Once you start walking, there’s no going back.
You see, authenticity is not a switch–you cannot flick it on and off at will.
It is like a skydive.
Once you step out of the plane door and pull the cord, your parachute opens and there is no way back–you cannot pack it back up int your bag mid-air and retrace your fall back up to the plane.”
Perfectionism is a Terrible Burden
Recognizing and accepting our present version is a vital step towards becoming the best version of ourselves.
Perfectionism is a terrible burden. We adopt it out of the best intentions because we want to be good; we want to be seen as someone who doesn’t make mistakes, who has life figured out, who is flawless.
But it is the one thing that often stands between us and real, lasting, deep happiness and the feeling of pace and fulfillment.
The solution is to embrace who you are while becoming who you can be:
“You might say, ‘Isn’t it good to strive to be a better version of me?’
You are right–of course it is good.
But you cannot become a better version of you, or any version of you for that matter, until you come to peace and accept the current version of you.’
Success Is a Byproduct of Happiness
Success is not a guaranteed path to happiness.
Many people mistakenly believe that they will find happiness once they achieve success.
However, it is happiness that can lead to success, not the other way around.
We often think that the path to happiness lies in success. It is a cultural axiom we don’t often challenge.
And this axiom, this delusion is why so many of us suffer from Hermione Syndrome, from perfectionism, the why we are so harsh toward ourselves, so self-critical, and find it hard to accept ourselves the way we are.
Because ultimately, we want to be happy, but we believe that the path to happiness lies through success, and success, naturally, requires perfection.
Your Self-Perception is Not Defined by the Outside World
When faced with criticism, your reaction depends on how much you believe the criticism to be true.
Criticism only affects you if it resonates with your self-perception.
Contrary to common belief, your self-perception is not defined by external factors.
Instead, how you react to the outside world is shaped by your own self-perception.
When you hear criticism about yourself or your actions, your reaction to the critical feedback depends on how much you believe it to be true.
You are more likely to be hurt by the criticism that you agree with on some level.
If you are emotional and someone throws an ‘Oh, don’t be so dramatic!’ at you, you will likely feel hurt.
But if someone criticizes you for something you don’t identify with at all, you are most likely going to feel nothing about such criticism.
In simple words, you would be upset if I said that green hair doesn’t look good on you, unless your hair really was green.
Authenticity Must Come Before Vulnerability
Authenticity is your relationship with yourself.
Vulnerability is your relationship with the outside world.
Your authenticity must come first, otherwise, your vulnerability is inauthentic.
Vulnerability is important. And I celebrate the fact that vulnerability has been normalized, and in fact, its value is now universally accepted.
But authenticity is more important, quite simply, because it must come first.
First, your relationship with yourself–authenticity.
And once this most important relationship is sorted, then comes your relationship with the outside world–aka vulnerability.
Being Authentic Allows You to Choose When to Be Vulnerable
You can be vulnerable without being authentic. You can simply expose your inner mess to the world.
But when you know your true self, your authentic self, you can choose when and what to share with the world.
Hence, equating vulnerability with authenticity misses the mark.
You can be completely delusional, live in your made-up world, resort to immature coping strategies rather than deal with painful emotions.
So, you can be vulnerable but stay inauthentic.
I’ll put it bluntly: you can vulnerably expose your messed-up inner psyche to the big, wide world and be no more honest with yourself.
On the other hand, you can be completely authentic, know yourself profoundly, face your dragons, stay true to yourself and still choose not to be vulnerable in certain circumstances.
Your World Reflects How You Feel About Yourself
Your experiences and interactions in the world are often a reflection of your own thoughts and feelings.
Your perceptions and attitudes towards others are more indicative of how you feel about yourself.
And the world will treat you the way you train it to treat you.
Our feelings and thoughts toward other people have more to do with us than with the people we are having feelings about.
Our thoughts about other people are reflections of how we feel about ourselves.
You see, the world will treat you the way you will train it to treat you.
It is hard to swallow, it may be unpleasant to admit, but, in most cases, that is exactly what happens.
If we don’t expect respect, we will very likely be insulted.
If we don’t expect justice, we will very likely be taken advantage of.
If we don’t expect love and acceptance, we are very likely going to be rejected.
You Wear Your Opinion About Yourself
Your self-perceptions and opinions about yourself act as your inner wardrobe.
Just as clothes affect your mindset and behavior, your opinions about yourself influence your personality.
They shape how you show up in different aspects of your life.
Just as when we wear costumes and different-style clothes to different occasions, and those costumes and clothes shape our personality in those circumstance.
When you go to a serious business meeting, you wear something profession, and you feel a little more professional and ready for the meeting.
When you go for a romantic date, you wear something hot, and it makes you feel more attractive.
When you put on your sports outfit and go to the gym, you feel a little more fit and energized the moment you put on those clothes.
We wear our opinions about yourselves, and they shape our personality the same way clothes do.
The Only Rejection to Fear is Your Own
The only rejection we truly need to fear is the rejection that comes from within ourselves.
You have the power to reject or accept yourself.
And you are often your own harshest critic.
So who has the power to reject or accept you?
You’ve guessed it: you.
You are your first critic.
And then you put on your own decisions like a dress and go out into the world with it, getting exactly what you expect.
When You Genuinely Accept Yourself, the World Will, Too
When you genuinely accept and embrace yourself, the world has no option but to accept you as well.
Even if the world does not accept you, it becomes inconsequential.
Your self-acceptance grants you the resilience and strength to not be affected by external judgment.
And so, here’s the most important point: the only person whose rejection you have to fear is your own.
As long as you can accept yourself, the world has no choice but to accept you as well.
And if it doesn’t, you won’t care anyway.
Why Rejecting Yourself is So Easy
Rejecting yourself can feel effortless due to the harsh and unkind nature of your self-talk.
Often, you speak to yourself in a way you would never, ever speak to another person.
Your mind internalizes these unkind thoughts and judgments and distorts your perception of yourself.
Your self-talk is often so harsh and unkind that you would never talk like that to another person.
And then your brain picks up those unkind thoughts and words, your judgment and criticism, and gets to work.
Your goal defines your perception, and you start setting proof of your unkindness toward yourself, and then, your hard and critical judgement of yourself becomes a ‘reality’ in your head.
No wonder rejecting yourself becomes so easy!
I’m not talking about absolute rejection or giving up on yourself.
I’m talking about the little stabs you give yourself for not being better, for not being perfect, for not being good enough.
Oh well–you know how many reasons there are to be hard on yourself!
Your Reality is Just an Illusion (Or Delusion)
Your perception of reality is often just an illusion or delusion.
Your reality is constructed by your own perceptions and beliefs.
Yet your ‘reality’ is just an illusion, a delusion, because it is created by you in the first place.
And the nature of self-deception is that you are usually not aware of being deceived.
If you were aware of delusion, it would become a point of view, a paradigm, a set of rules you consciously created for yourself.
But without the awareness, whatever goes through your head is feeding the delusion.
The Delusion of Your Reality
Even those who consider themselves clever, experienced, or sharp-minded can still fall victim to powerful illusions.
Your mind has a natural inclination to confirm your existing beliefs and perceptions, regardless of their accuracy.
And, if you think you are too clever, too experienced, too sharp to be deceived, here’s another interesting concept:
a powerful mind can create a bulletproof illusion.
We like to be right, and our brain is hard at work to prove us right, no matter the essence of what we want to be right about.
Your brain’s task., by default, is to make you think that you are right.
So, naturally, the more powerful the brain, the stronger the delusion.
What Your Quality of Life Consists Of
The quality of your life comes down to your decisions and habits, both conscious and unconscious.
You make anywhere between 70 and 35,000 decisions each day.
While significant choices and unexpected events may temporarily affect you, your overall quality of life is shaped by the smaller, daily decisions you make.
I believe that in spite of any big defining decisions, our quality of life consists of daily, mundane, small choices, thoughts, and feelings.
Yes, big decisions or unexpected life-changing events can throw you off balance for a while, but you will come back to your default state sooner or later, and your life will continue to be formed by your small, daily choices.
Your Daily Decisions Shape Your Life
Your conscious and unconscious decisions shape your life.
Examples Below:
Food choices: What we eat for breakfast or how we respond to hunger influences our well-being. Snacking, having a meal, or indulging in chocolate are all decisions with potential consequences.
Physical activity: Choosing to take the stairs instead of an elevator or escalator, deciding on transportation methods like driving, walking, or taking a bus affect our level of physical activity and health.
Interactions with others: How we handle conflicts, confrontations, or judgments from others plays a significant role in shaping our relationships. Our reactions and responses determine the quality of our interactions.
Leisure time and family interactions: How we unwind after work, engage with our families, and spend our weekends contribute to our overall well-being and happiness.
Dealing with setbacks: How we handle mistakes, rejection, and failure greatly impacts our resilience and ability to bounce back. Our self-talk, the conclusions we draw, and how quickly we recover from setbacks shape our personal growth.
True Emotional Intelligence is Learning to Be at Peace with Yourself
Your emotional intelligence starts with your relationships with yourself.
You begin your journey towards self-discovery by prioritizing your emotional well-being.
You need to find your inner harmony by embracing and accepting your complete range of your human emotions and your personal experiences.
I believe that the path back to you starts with emotional well-being.
Emotional well-being is coming to peace with the full spectrum of our expressions, with our experiences and every emotion.
It is then that we are ready to return to who we truly are.
Emotional Intelligence is the central piece in this puzzle.
And while all my previous examples were about your relationships with the world and other people, true emotional intelligence is learning to be at peace with yourself.
You Can’t Help Anyone if You’re Not Happy
Sacrificing your own happiness for the sake of others is self-deception.
While you may believe you are making noble sacrifices, your loved ones can see through this facade.
Those you love don’t need your sacrifices. They need you to be genuinely happy.
You cannot help anyone if you are not happy.
You may fool yourself into believing that you are sacrificing your happiness for the sake of people you love, but it is a lie.
You can fool yourself, but you will not fool your loved ones–your children, your loving intuitive mother, or your partner who might be able to decipher your mood from the way you breathe.
The people that you love do not need your sacrifice–they need you to be happy.
So not only is your sacrifice of personal happiness pointless, but it is also a heavy burden on those who you so selflessly want to make the offering.”
Self-Deception is Not Lying to Yourself
Don’t equate self-deception with intentionally lying to yourself.
Your cognitive biases and mental shortcuts distort your perception.
The human brain has a tendency to fill gaps, chaos, and uncertainty with imagination.
It’s your brain’s way of tricking you into perceiving the world in a manner that’s more advantageous to you.
In short, your brain doesn’t like gaps, chaos, or uncertainty, so it fills the gaps with imagination and presents it as reality.
There are many curious phenomena that prove that your brain is hard at work tricking you, such as various cognitive biases, which distort your perception of real events.
Or the tendency to use mental shortcuts while making decisions and then seeking out proof of being right the moment the decision has been made.
And I could go on and on with a list of the tricks that your brain uses on you: optical illusions, inattentional blindness, phantom pains, placebo, just to mention a few familiar ones.
And, of course, any kind of illusions and biases, even if you are blissfully unaware of being tricked can distort your perception of reality.
So, it would be right to say that self-deception is not you lying to yourself, but your brain tricking you into viewing the world in a way that is most beneficial to you.”
Honesty and Kindness Go Hand in Hand
Honesty and kindness are interconnected and should go hand in hand.
She argues that honesty, while important, must always be accompanied by kindness.
Honesty without kindness can be cruel, mean-spirited, and ultimately unhelpful.
On the other hand, kindness alone, without honesty, is also flawed. It can easily devolve into flattery, which opens the door to manipulation.
Honesty, no matter how necessary, has to be laden with kindness.
For honesty without kindness is mean, cruel, and unhelpful.
And honesty which is masquerading to look like care and compassion is the worst kind, because it is actually gaslighting, a farce, and not really honest.
It’s like ‘tough love,’ which is neither love nor honesty.
…
Yet kindness without honesty is also flawed, as it quickly becomes flattery.
And flattery is a gateway to manipulation.
There is a big difference between a sincere compliment from the heart and pleasantries and niceties, which are liberally shared just to make you feel good.
While you might appreciate the effort of someone pleasing you, there is something unsettling about insincerity.
If you have ever been lavishly praised for something trivial you know how uncomfortable it feels.
Transformation Starts with Kindness Towards Yourself
Your transformation starts with self-kindness.
Self-kindness fosters self-acceptance, courage, wisdom, and the belief in your potential to become better.
Change is not a natural consequence of pain; it is often a sign of healing. Only when you are ready to heal will you find in you what it takes to start growing again.
And that moment is marked with kindness.
Transformation starts with kindness toward yourself.
Kindness gives you courage to be honest with yourself and wisdom to accept yourself the way you are.
It will also give you the certainty that you have what it takes to go out and be brave and become better.
Don’t Miss the Depth and Essence of Self-Love
While self-care can be beneficial, you need to prioritize and embrace the depth and essence of self-love.
Self-care is surface-level actions.
Self-love involves a continuous attitude of self-acceptance, compassion, and appreciation.
Neglecting self-love can have immediate and profound consequences.
Self-care is usually skin-deep (massage, facial, manicure), while self-love penetrates much deeper.
Self-care relies on rituals (exercise, meditation, walk), while self-love is a constant attitude, and so there is no big harm missing self-care from time to time–you can pick it up where you dropped it off.
Missing self-love on the other hand, can cause real immediate damage.
Self-care is about taking time for yourself, indulging yourself, pampering yourself, while self-love doesn’t take any time, but it permeates your life every single moment.
Self-care is often physical, whereas self-love doesn’t really have a physical component.
But most importantly if you get caught up in self-care, you might miss the depth and essence of self-love.
Self-Love Trumps Self-Care Any Day
Self-care can never compensate for the power and significance of self-love.
Self-love is the ultimate goal.
Self-love is accepting yourself even in the face of failures or deviations from your ideal practices.
Without self-love you are subject to shame, self-blame, and negative self-talk.
Self-care is about surviving, while self-love is about thriving.
Self-care is incredibly important–you should take care of your body; it is the temple of your soul.
But if you were to err and fall, can you still love yourself?
If you were to fail at your strict diet, or stay up all night indulging in a movie, or skip your yoga class, or wake up one day feeling cranky and moody, would you be able to still love yourself?
I would like to argue that the harm that your failing of a self-care ritual would cause your body is not as grave as your blaming, shaming, and disappointed self-talk.
That excessive glass of wine is not as bad for your body as hating yourself for it.
That lack of sleep and sluggishness is not as bad for your future as you are panicking and beating yourself up for it.
Your self-care will never compensate for your self-love, but your self-love will always trump self-care any day.
The above is a summary of the book “Becoming Flawesome”, by Kristina Mänd-Lakhani
“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.”
I’m a fan of self-reflection.
I think it can help you avoid being the frog in the boiling pot (that doesn’t know when to get out.) I think the trick is using the right sets of questions.
If you use weekly reflection, you can see the patterns in the problems you face and how you solve them. You’ll be able to see how your responses change over time.
Don’t Blame Situations for Your Troubles
Are you owning your actions and results? Are you as proactive as you can be?
Watkins writes:
“Now focus on the biggest challenges or difficulties you are facing.
Be honest with yourself.
Are your difficulties situational or do their sources lie within you?
Even experienced and skilled people blame problems on the situation rather than their own actions.
The net effect is that they are less proactive than they could be.”
I suggest setting aside 15 minutes at the end of each week to reflect on the following questions.
1. What do you feel so far?
On a scale of high to low, do you feel:
Excited? If not, why not? What can you do about it?
Confident? If not, why not? What can you do about it?
In control of your success? If not, why not? what can you do about it?
2. What has bothered you so far?
With whom have you failed to connect? Why?
Of the meetings you have attended, which has been the most troubling? Why?
Of all that you have seen or heard, what has disturbed you most? Why?
3. What has gone well or poorly?
Which interactions would you handled differently if you could? Which exceeded your expectations? Why?
Which of your decisions have turned out particularly well? Not so well? Why?
What missed opportunities do you regret the most? Was a better result blocked by you or by something beyond your control?
Use what you learn to improve and get better where it counts.
There are 5 vocal tools that when you use them together, they help your audience stay tuned more easily, pay closer attention to what you’re saying, and will find themselves more easily moved and persuaded.
These are:
Emphasis and energy is concerned with the force of stress your place on important ideas, concepts, or feelings, as well as a generally energized vocal style. It is the simplest of the five essential vocal tools, and one that you probably already know how to use well.
Pitch inflection refers to the rising and falling of your pitch on the musical scale. Sometimes called intonation, lively pitch inflection helps you avoid monotony as well as convey meaning. It’s not only a critically important vocal tool: it’s the one you may have the most trouble using freely in formal speaking situations. If you haven’t received performance training in the use of the voice, you may stay in a too-narrow pitch range, limiting your voices natural ability to express emotion.
Your rhythm and pace also need to be varied when you speak publicly so your audience stays attentive and aware of the nuances of what you’re saying. In normal conversation, i.e., when you’re not self-conscious your speaking rhythm changes frequently according to new ideas or emotions you bring up. Why should it be any different when you’re giving a presentation? If you’ve ever suffered through a talk by a presenter who speaks in metronomic fashion, you know how an unvaried pace can lull an audience into inattention.
Pauses and silence is another vocal tool you may be neglecting due to speech anxiety. Pauses in a speech can add emphasis, build suspect, bridge ideas, make a comment on what you just said, and enrich your talk in other subtle ways. If you pause at appropriate times, you’ll also show that you’re confident enough to set the pace for yourself rather than rushing through your talk because of nervousness. Unfortunately, adrenaline by its nature forces you to either fight that ‘threat’ you’re facing or run from it — in other words, taking any course of action rather than pausing.
Vocal quality is the most encompassing of the five vocal tools. It includes the tone, the richness, and pleasantness of your voice, along with other factors such as breathiness, warmth or stridency, patience or impatience, empathy or anger, hesitancy or bewilderment, and other elements that effect people’s emotional response when you speak. No wonder vocal quality is the most inclusive of the essential tools.
“Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers.”
By asking empowering questions, you inspire yourself to action, gain better perspective, or help you make the most of any situation.
The right question can be just the right prompt to help you move in a better direction.
Here is a set of 101 empowering questions, my favorite questions, that I draw from whether it’s to shape my day, solve a problem, figure out next steps, or get “on path.”
What’s the way forward? (it’s a big question, but it reminds me to cut a path through the forest of ambiguity and chaos)
What do you want your life to be about?
Who do you want to be and what experiences do you want to create?
How does that serve you in terms of who you are and who you want to be?
Are you giving your best where you have your best to give?
What are you optimizing for?
How can you reduce friction to create a glide path?
How can you reduce scope to save time or make the time you have most useful?
What do you want to achieve? What do you want to accomplish? (Try this over what are you trying to do?)
What do you want to do more of each day? … What do you want to spend your time doing more of?
What do you want to spend less time on?
If not now, when?
If not you, who?
What’s right with this picture? (If you always ask, “What’s wrong with this picture?”, this is a nice switch)
How can you make the most of the situation? … If there are no good options, what’s the best play I can make for this scenario?
Who else shares this problem? … Who would solve this problem well? (a great way to find models and learn from the best)
What would <famous or interesting person XYZ> do?” … How would I respond if I were Barkhad Abdi? … Abdirashid Duale? … Amina Moghe Hersi?… etc. (this is a great way to come up with new ideas or plays for your situation)
What are you pointing your camera at? (a simple way to direct your day on a scene-by-scene basis)
What’s good enough for now?
What can you be the best at in the world?
What’s the most effective thing for me to focus on?
Are you asking the right question? … Is that the right question?
How is that relevant?
What’s that based on?
What’s the goal? … What are the goals?
What would success look like?
What do you need to be successful? … What do you need to be successful in this situation?
Is it working? … Is it effective?
What do you measure? … What are the metrics?
What are the tests for success?
How do you know it’s working?
How do you know when you’re done?
What did you expect?
Are you creating the results you want?
Does it matter?
Will it matter in 100 years?
Is it worth the effort?
What actions have I taken? … What steps have I tried? ( a great sanity check when you’re testing your ability to take action)
What’s next?
What do you want to do?
What’s best for you?
What’s the best thing for now?
What’s your next best thing to do?
Is that a good idea?
So what? Now what?
What’s the problem?
What’s the threat?
What’s the concern?
When do you want it by? … You want what by when?
Who needs to do what when?
Who needs to do what differently?
Who should do what when?
What would you have them do differently?
What’s wearing you down?
What’s lifting you up?
Why do you get up in the morning and come to work?
What do you want to experience? … What do you want to experience more of?
What are you trading? … What are you trading up for?
What did you learn that you can use next time?
What would you do differently next time around?
Where’s the growth?
What would people pay you for in the future?
Do you want to run towards or away from the problem?
How big is the pie, how big is your slice?
Does it make business sense?
Is it business critical?
What’s our capacity?
What’s our constraint?
What are the KPIs (Key Performance Indicators)?
What’s our core business?
What does the market want?
Is it push, pull or indifferent?
What’s the trend?
What to cut back on?
What does the pro know that you don’t? (this is a good way to figure out if knowledge or insight can make a difference)
What’s the right thing to do?
Is now the right time?
Is this the right forum?
How much time do you have?
What are you making time for?
How much time should you make for it?
What can you do all day long?
What are you spending the bulk of your time on?
If you had all the money in the world, how would you spend it?
Where are we on the map?
What would make life more wonderful for you?
How can you chunk it down?
How fast can you do it?
What’s the impact?
What would you like to have happen? … What would you like instead?
“To change who you are, change who you think you are.”
You can shift your identity to become your Future Self now.
Identity shifting is one of the most power tools you can use for personal transformation and growth.
You can use identify shifting to consciously mold aspects of your identity to better align with your goals and aspirations.
Writers write, Runners run. Authors write books. Musician’s create music. Artists create works of art.
The fastest way to change all of your key habits is to shift your identity.
Your identity is a habit. It’s made up a lot of habits that reinforce the belief of who you are.
If you don’t believe you are an athlete, you won’t do athletic things.
If you master identify shifting, you master a key skill for life.
What is Identity Shifting?
Identity shifting empowers you to consciously change how you perceive yourself and how you act, aligning your behavior with the person you aspire to be.
It’s built on the psychological insight that your self-image shapes your actions and your life’s path.
To effectively shift your identity, you must clearly define the traits you aim to adopt, consistently apply behaviors that reinforce this new identity, and regularly reflect on and adjust your approach.
This process isn’t about pretending to be someone else.
It’s about shedding limiting beliefs and behaviors to unlock your true potential.
By embracing identity shifting, you take control of your personal development, breaking free from past limitations and stepping into a role that fulfills and advances you toward your success.
Why Use Identity Shifting?
Identity shifting is about evolving into the best version of yourself, while embracing who you are.
Identity shifting can be a powerful tool for personal development, offering several key benefits that facilitate growth and transformation.
Here are the primary reasons to consider using identity shifting:
Enhanced Self-Perception: Identity shifting allows you to redefine how you see yourself, moving beyond limiting beliefs that may have held you back. This new self-perception can boost your confidence and open up possibilities that align with your aspirations.
Behavioral Change: By adopting a new identity, you naturally start to change your behaviors to align with this identity. For example, if you begin to see yourself as a leader, you may take on more leadership roles and behaviors, which can enhance your professional and personal life.
Improved Adaptability: As you shift your identity, you learn to be more flexible in your thoughts and behaviors. This adaptability can make you more resilient to changes and challenges, enabling you to navigate life’s ups and downs more effectively.
Goal Achievement: Identity shifting aligns your mindset with your goals. By embodying traits and behaviors of your ideal self, you’re more likely to take actions that lead to achieving your objectives, whether they’re related to career, personal growth, or relationships.
Increased Motivation and Engagement: Engaging in identity shifting can reignite your passion for goals and activities by connecting them with your core values and the essence of who you want to be. This alignment can renew your motivation and deepen your engagement with your pursuits.
Broader Perspectives: Changing your identity can help you see the world from different perspectives, enhancing empathy and understanding towards others. This can improve your relationships and your ability to work within diverse teams.
Long-Term Satisfaction and Fulfillment: Ultimately, identity shifting helps you live a life that feels more authentic and aligned with your true self. This authenticity can lead to deeper satisfaction, happiness, and fulfillment in life.
Examples of Identity Shifts
Identity shifting involves adopting new self-perceptions and behaviors to better align with your goals and values.
Aside from shifting to roles you might want to become like a leader or writer or artist or musician or athlete, etc., you can also use identity shifting to gain attributes or characteristics you want, such as more confidence or more positivity.
Here are some examples of identities you might shift to, depending on your aspirations and life circumstances:
From Passive to Proactive: Shifting from a passive to a proactive identity involves adopting a mindset where you actively seek out opportunities and solutions, rather than waiting for things to happen or for others to take the lead.
From Pessimist to Optimist: This shift involves changing your outlook from seeing the worst in situations to focusing on the positive aspects and possibilities, which can significantly influence your emotional well-being and decision-making processes.
From Follower to Leader: Moving from a follower identity to a leader identity requires developing traits such as decisiveness, vision, and the ability to inspire and motivate others, crucial for those stepping into managerial roles or entrepreneurship.
From Unhealthy to Health-Conscious: For those looking to improve their physical health, shifting to an identity that prioritizes wellness, fitness, and nutrition can lead to adopting healthier lifestyle habits that support long-term health goals.
From Employee to Entrepreneur: This identity shift involves moving from seeing oneself as an employee within a company to viewing oneself as an independent entrepreneur, which encompasses taking more risks, being innovative, and assuming responsibility for the success of one’s ventures.
From Introverted to Socially Confident: Individuals who see themselves as introverted and wish to be more socially active might work on shifting their identity to become more outgoing, enhancing their ability to network and engage confidently in social settings.
From Victim to Survivor: Shifting from a victim identity to a survivor identity involves overcoming past traumas or hardships by focusing on resilience and empowerment, rather than helplessness or despair.
From Generalist to Specialist: This shift involves moving from a broad, generalist view in your professional field to becoming a specialist with deep expertise in a specific area, which can enhance career opportunities and authority in the field.
From Spender to Saver/Investor: Changing financial behaviors can include shifting from an identity that focuses on spending to one that prioritizes saving and investing, essential for achieving long-term financial security.
From Disorganized to Organized: Adopting a more organized identity involves developing systems and habits that enhance efficiency and reduce stress, transforming how you manage both time and resources.
These are just illustrative examples.
What If You Don’t Use Identity Shifting? What are the Downsides?
Not using identity shifting can hold you back from fully realizing your potential and embracing a richer, more fulfilling life.
Choosing not to engage in identity shifting and continuing to operate with a static self-concept can lead to several potential downsides and missed opportunities for personal growth.
Here are some of the negative consequences of not utilizing identity shifting:
Stagnation in Personal Development: Without the willingness to reassess and shift your identity, you may find yourself stuck in outdated patterns of thinking and behavior that no longer serve your current goals or lifestyle. This stagnation can hinder personal and professional growth.
Missed Opportunities: A rigid identity might prevent you from adapting to new opportunities or challenges effectively. You may miss out on experiences and chances for advancement that require a different approach or set of behaviors than those you are currently comfortable with.
Reduced Adaptability: In today’s rapidly changing world, adaptability is key. Not engaging in identity shifting can make it difficult to respond effectively to change, leaving you less equipped to handle new or unexpected situations.
Lower Levels of Satisfaction and Fulfillment: If your identity doesn’t evolve with your experiences and aspirations, you might feel a disconnect between who you are and who you want to be. This gap can lead to decreased satisfaction with your life and work, and feelings of unfulfillment.
Potential for Increased Stress and Anxiety: Holding onto an identity that conflicts with your evolving roles or environments can create internal stress and anxiety. This discomfort arises from the tension between your self-perception and the demands or expectations you face.
Inflexibility in Relationships and Social Roles: A static identity might limit your ability to adjust to different social roles or relationships dynamics. This inflexibility can strain relationships and limit your social circle to those who only fit within your unchanged identity framework.
Compromised Decision Making: If your identity remains unaltered over time, it can influence your decisions in ways that may not align with your long-term interests or the realities of your current situation. This can lead to choices that are less than optimal for your personal and professional life.
What is Your Future Self?
Your future self represents who you want to become, encapsulating your goals, aspirations, and values.
Psychology teaches us that your past doesn’t lock in your present; rather, your present is shaped by how well you connect with your future self.
This connection steers your current choices towards the outcomes you aim for, demonstrating that your capacity for change is significant when guided by a clear vision of your future.
Research indicates that people who maintain a vivid and positive connection with their future selves are more likely to make decisions that promote long-term success and well-being.
By actively engaging with your future self, you break free from past patterns and unlock expansive potential for transformation.
How To Use Identity Shifting to Become Your Future Self Now
Here’s how you can start implementing identity shifting in a practical, actionable manner:
Understand the Concept: Begin by comprehending that identity shifting involves adjusting your self-perception and behaviors to match the version of yourself you aspire to be. This could mean seeing yourself as more confident, successful, or even physically fit, depending on your personal goals.
Define Your Desired Identity: Clearly outline the characteristics of the identity you wish to embody. This could include traits like being more proactive, assertive, or compassionate. Make these traits as specific as possible to create a detailed image of your ideal self.
Start Small with Habits: Implement small daily habits that reinforce your new identity. If your goal is to become more fit, start with consistent, small exercise routines. If you want to be seen as a leader, incorporate small acts of leadership into your daily work or social interactions.
Use Visualization Techniques: Regularly visualize yourself as having already achieved your new identity. Picture yourself behaving in ways that align with this new identity in various scenarios. This mental practice will help solidify these traits in your self-perception.
Reflect and Adjust Regularly: Keep a journal of your experiences and feelings as you adopt this new identity. Reflect on what aspects feel natural, what challenges arise, and how others respond to your changes. Adjust your approach based on these reflections to better integrate your desired traits.
Seek Feedback: Get feedback from trusted peers or mentors who can provide honest insights into how your changes are perceived. This feedback can guide further modifications to your behavior and approach.
Reinforce Internally: Continually affirm your new identity to yourself through positive affirmations and self-talk. Reinforce the belief in your capabilities and your right to evolve into your ideal self.
Address Psychological Barriers: Work through any deep-seated fears or beliefs that contradict your new identity. This might involve therapy or deep introspection to resolve conflicts between your old self-image and the new identity you are cultivating.
Change Yourself, Change Your World
“If you want to change the world, start with yourself.” — Mahatma Gandhi
Identity shifting is a profound tool that not only transforms you but can also significantly impact your external world.
Here’s how engaging in identity shifting can empower you to “Change Yourself, Change Your World”:
Enhanced Self-Perception and Confidence: By shifting your identity, you cultivate traits and behaviors that resonate with your true self and aspirations. This transformation can dramatically enhance your self-confidence and how you view your capabilities. When you believe in yourself more, you’re more likely to take actions that can lead to success and fulfillment, impacting your personal and professional life positively.
Breaking Limiting Beliefs: Identity shifting involves challenging and replacing limiting beliefs that hold you back. By identifying and altering these self-imposed constraints, you unlock new potentials. For instance, shifting from seeing yourself as someone who is not a public speaker to someone who can engage audiences confidently can open up opportunities in careers, activism, or community leadership, thereby expanding your influence and ability to effect change.
Behavioral Changes Lead to Different Outcomes: As you shift your identity, your behaviors naturally align with this new self-concept. These changes in behavior can lead to different outcomes in your life. For example, if you shift your identity to see yourself as a healthy and active person, you’re more likely to adopt habits that promote health and vitality, which can transform your physical state, energy levels, and longevity.
Inspiring Others: When people see you transforming and thriving, it can inspire them to reflect on their own lives and consider their own potential for change. Your journey of identity shifting can motivate others to undertake their self-transformation journeys, thereby amplifying the impact of your changes beyond your individual experience.
Catalyzing Broader Social Changes: On a larger scale, as individuals change their perceptions of themselves and their roles in society, this can lead to collective identity shifts that challenge societal norms and catalyze social change. For instance, if more individuals see themselves as environmental stewards, this can lead to greater environmental consciousness and actions that support sustainability, influencing policies and practices at community and global levels.
Identity shifting is a powerful means of personal development that can ripple outwards, influencing various aspects of your life and the wider world.
By changing yourself—how you think, act, and interact—you inherently begin to change the spaces around you, demonstrating the profound connection between personal transformation and broader societal evolution.
It’s a Journey in Self-Discovery and Self-Mastery
“You cannot dream yourself into a character; you must hammer and forge yourself one.” — Henry David Thoreau
Identity shifting is fundamentally a journey of self-discovery and self-mastery.
It involves delving into the core of who you are, understanding your inherent qualities and the facets of your identity that have been shaped over time by external influences.
Here’s how identity shifting embodies this transformative process:
Uncovering the True Self: At the heart of identity shifting lies the exploration of your authentic self. This process requires you to peel back the layers of labels, roles, and expectations that society, family, and personal history have imposed on you. By challenging and questioning these imposed identities, you begin to discover the underlying values, desires, and traits that truly define you.
Recognition of Patterns and Limitations: Identity shifting involves recognizing the patterns of behavior and thought that have governed your life. This recognition is crucial as it allows you to identify which aspects of your personality are genuinely yours and which are adaptations to the expectations of others. Understanding these patterns helps in pinpointing the limitations that these imposed behaviors and beliefs place on your growth.
Intentional Change: Once these realizations are made, identity shifting becomes an intentional act of transforming oneself. It involves setting deliberate goals to modify aspects of your identity that no longer serve you well. This might mean developing new traits that align more closely with your core values or discarding old habits that hinder your progress.
Overcoming Resistance: The path of self-discovery and identity shifting is not without its challenges. Resistance often comes from within, rooted in fear of change or the discomfort of stepping outside familiar boundaries. Overcoming this resistance is a key part of the journey, requiring persistence, resilience, and the courage to confront and replace deeply ingrained beliefs and behaviors.
Continuous Growth and Adaptation: Identity shifting is not a one-time event but a continuous process of adaptation and growth. As life brings new experiences, challenges, and insights, your understanding of yourself evolves. This ongoing process demands a commitment to self-reflection and adaptability, ensuring that your identity consistently reflects your truest self at each stage of life.
Change Yourself in the Direction of Your Dreams
Identity shifting is not just about change.
It’s about evolving yourself towards a version of yourself that aligns deeply with your truest aspirations and potential.
By embracing identity shifting, you actively reshape your perception and behavior to meet and exceed your own expectations.
Your transformative journey equips you with the tools to work through life’s challenges with agility and confidence.
As you align more closely with your envisioned future self, you unlock new worlds of possibilities.
This will inspire your growth that transcends the limitations of your past.
Identity shifting empowers you to become the person you were born to be and that you know you can be and will be.
“Social capital is not a destination but a journey.”
Transactions are not made in the boardroom; they are only formalized there. People are not hired in the interview rooms; they are hired somewhere else. Decisions are not made by people in suits, they are only formalized by them.
People are not fired in disciplinary hearings, they are fired on the golf course, and the decision is formalized in a disciplinary hearing. Contracts are awarded over coffee and berbeques.
You see, these are things that we are not necessarily taught in school, yet these things will affect you in your business. Deliberately, let us have this conversation on building our social capital.
There is something in life called “Social Capital. Social Capital is about the people you know; the people who know you, and how they know you. Quite unfortunately, people think or behave like Social Capital is only needed on weddings, burials, and other celebrations. That is why you see someone who has not contacted you in many years suddenly sending you a message saying “hello so and so, long time”. Then, they indicate that on a specific day, they will have their pre-wedding function, and they need your support. Social Capital is not built overnight; it is an investment that takes time and is reciprocal. It just needs being sensitive to people’s emotions and concerns, not sneaking into their lives only when help is needed.
Social Capital is very important, and when it is built and used correctly, it makes a big difference in one’s life. It can save you money, make you money, get you a better job, make things easier, save you from prison, or save your life. It can also save you time and effort and make life more enjoyable and productive. Creating a connection with people is important for building social capital. And even if they don’t respond, at least keep in touch and don’t just reach out when you are in need.
Two things;
(1) Social capital is good, and a lot of friends bearing you goodwill is better than a few families who are obliged to you because of blood. However, social capital is not free. There is something you will pay or forego to belong. Do not go overboard to belong. Keep a few friends and be a reliable family member.
(2) The concept of social capital is like insurance. You scratch my back, and I’ll scratch yours. You have to be a people person to enjoy the social capital. Being a people person means you rush and stand shoulder to shoulder with your friends at their points of need. That will cost you. You can’t hide and only show up when you need assistance.
And what we do is we put the child into the corridor of this grade system and enroll for the kindergaten. And that’s a great thing because when you finish that you will get into first grade. And first grade leads to second grade and so on and so forth. Then you get out of grade school, you go to high school, then college and the graduate school. And when you are through with graduate school you go out to join the world. And then you get into some racket way of selling insurance or some other rate race. And all that time the thing is coming, it’s coming, that great thing, the success that you have been working for, then when you wake up one day about forty years old, you say My God, I have arrived, I’m there. And you don’t feel very different from what you always felt. And there is a slight let down because you feel like there’s been a hoax. And there was a hoax! A dreadful hoax. They made you miss everything. We thought of life by an analogy with a journey, with a pilgrimage. Which had a serious purpose at the end. The thing was to get to that end, success or whatever it is or maybe heaven after your death. But we missed the point the whole way along. It was a musical thing and you were supposed to sing or to dance while the music was being played.
When I speak about knowing my worth, it’s not coming from a place of ego or arrogance. I stand by my positive attributes with conviction, but the difference is I’m conscious of my shortfalls and work on them everyday. When somebody holds a space in my heart, there is nothing I wouldn’t do for them. Generosity, patience, and loyalty are traits of mine cherished dearly by those who know me. But I won’t pretend other emotions don’t consume me. Because they do. However, it is my unwavering devotion to give the positivity inside me a stronger voice – one which overrides all. When I say I know my worth, it’s because I’ve done the work to get here. It’s because I continue doing so, I Know what I have to offer. And I stand strong in that fact alone.
The difference between the conscious and the subconscious mind.
The conscious mind is like the captain of a ship. The captain stays on the deck and can see where they are sailing and can control everything. On the other hand, engineers who are responsible for controlling the engines and the other instruments, can’t see what is going on outside the ship. They are inside the ship following orders coming from the captain. The engineers are like the subconscious mind, the engineers do not know where they are going, they simply follow orders. They would go on the rocks if the captain issued wrong orders. They obey the captain because he is in charge, he is supposed to know what he is doing. In the same way your conscious mind is the captain of your ship, your body and your environment.
Your subconscious mind takes the orders you give it based on what your conscious mind believes and accepts as true. It does not question the orders, it doesn’t engage on whether your thoughts are good or bad, true or false. It responds according to the nature of your thoughts. The subconscious mind is like the soil, whatever seed you plant there it will grow. Soil does not say, let me prioritize this apricot seed over another seed and give more nourishment because it will bear fruits one day. It grows whatever you plant there without differentiating what seed you have planted. Your subconscious mind also does not understand a joke, it takes you at your word.
Under hypnosis if a practiced hypnotist holds a cup of water under your nose and tells you that it is a cup full of pepper you will start sneezing or if a hypnotist tells you that you are a cat or dog you will start behaving like a cat or dog. Your subconscious mind does not have the ability to argue or dispute, if you give it wrong information it will accept it as true.
That is why if you repeatedly say to yourself, I can’t afford it, your subconscious mind takes you at your word and as long as you keep on saying I can’t afford that car, that vacation, that home, you can be sure your subconscious mind will follow your orders. You will go through life experiencing the lack of all these things and you will believe that circumstances made it so, it will not occur to you that you have created those circumstances yourself by your own thoughts.
You have a fundamental right to be rich
Don’t let anyone make you feel ashamed of your desire to be rich. It is not only good but very good to be rich. When your blood is circulating freely in your body, you are healthy. When money is circulating freely in your life, you are economically healthy. There is nothing wrong with being economically healthy, there is no virtue in poverty, it is an illness like any other mental illness. If you were physically ill you would realize that there is something wrong with you, you would seek help and try to cure the condition at once. In the same way, if you do not have enough money constantly circulating in your life, there is something radically wrong with you. But have you ever thought about what is wrong with you and why you can’t get what you want.
For many people, there are three key reasons; you can also call them emotions that are holding them back from success.
A) Envy
When I was a kid playing with my friends in the neighborhood, we would very often see a young guy driving an expensive car. With my friends we would all look at the car with envy and then say things like, God knows what kind of illegal things this guy did to buy such a luxury car at a young age or why can such arrogant guys drive a luxury car but not us. Basically, we would talk all sorts of envious things behind the guy’s back without even knowing him or what he does. After reading books similar to this one, I completely changed my behavior.
The reason I changed is those entertaining envious thoughts are devastating. It places you in a negative position, therefore wealth flows away from you instead of to you. If you get annoyed or irritated by the prosperity or great wealth of another, then you have pushed wealth away from you. Remember that you lose what you condemn. You cannot attract what you criticize or envy. Would you stay with a girlfriend or boyfriend who constantly criticizes you? Of course, not and neither will wealth. If you have thought envious things about anyone’s wealth. Stop doing it for your own benefit.
The thought you have about the other person is your thought because you are thinking it. Therefore, you actually create in your own experience what you think and feel about the other person. The suggestion you give to another, you give to yourself as well because your mind is the source that created those thoughts. Your subconscious mind records it and plays it back to you. These days when I see a young guy driving a nice car I truly feel happy for him. I feel happy that he is blessed to drive such a nice car, in my mind I wish him the best and thank him for motivating me and showing me what is possible. I say to myself, if he can do it, I can do it as well.
B) You are trying too hard
Suppose you were asked to walk along along a narrow plank that is on the floor, you would do it easily without question. But now suppose the same plank was 50 meters high between two walls, would you still do it? Probably not. Your desire to walk the length of the plant would come into conflict with you imagination, you would imagine falling down. You might very much want to walk across the plank but your fear of falling would keep you from being able to do it. The more effort you put into conquering your imagination, the greater strength is given to the idea of falling. The thought I will use my willpower to overcome my failure leads to failure. It’s like not deciding to think about a green hippo, the decision makes the idea of a green hippo dominate the mind and the subconscious always responds more to the dominant idea and since most of the time the dominant idea is failure, that is exactly what ends up happening.
So, what is the source of the problem here? The problem is that you are trying too hard. Never try to force the subconscious mind to accept your idea by using willpower. Such attempts are doomed to failure, you will get the opposite of what you want. The effortless way is better, you are probably familiar with this situation. You go to an exam and you feel as you know it well, but when you face and exam paper you mind goes blank. All your knowledge of the subject has suddenly disappeared, you can’t recall a single relevant thought, the harder you try, the further the knowledge seems to run. When you leave the exam room, the mental pressure eases and suddenly the answers you were hunting for so desperately a few minutes ago, flow back into your mind. The mistake you made was to try to force yourself to remember. So, what is the solution then. Relaxation. Don’t push yourself so hard to find the solution or look hard for ways to reach your goal. Just know what the end result will look and feel the happiness you would feel if you achieved that goal. Feeling and imagination are the most important factors for the subconscious mind. Your new idea must be felt in a finished state, if you do that then your subconscious mind will work hard to find ways to reach your goal. Your will start getting new ideas, you will start meeting new people and seeing new solutions. It’s super important to be open to new solutions at these times. Sometimes we are so fixated on how the end solution should look like, that we don’t see the perfect solution presented by the subconscious mind, for example…. A few months ago, I had a financial goal to reach, I wanted to make a certain about of money by a certain date so I would visualize my goal and imagine how great I would feel if I earned that much money. For a while, I thought I would make that money through my YouTube channel, so I focused all my attention on the channel, but somehow, I could not get any results. But on the other hand, I was getting great real estate deals. At the time I was not planning to buy a property but somehow, I was being pushed toward real estate. For a while I ignored it because I thought the best way to reach the goal was through my channel and focusing on real estate would push me away from my goal. But after a while the signs got so strong that I had to give it a try, within weeks I found myself buying a new property. Everything went so smoothly and I closed the deal very quickly. The most shocking part is when I was doing the numbers on the deal, the amount of money I was going to make was almost 100% identical to the amount I had on my financial goal and let me tell you it was not a small amount and the difference was just a few dollars. My mind was blown away.
The moral of this story is to explain to you the importance of being open to new solutions when working with the subconscious mind and not getting stuck with one solution that you think is right. It is not your job to know how you will reach the destination, your job is to know where you are going, your subconscious mind will find the best way to get there. Imagine it in this way, when you go to the doctor you first explain what the problem is then listen to the solution right. You don’t suggest solutions to your problem, if you were that smart and knew the solution you would not come to the doctor in the first place. If you have come to the doctor then, sit there and listen to the solution. Finding the solution is the doctor’s job, not yours. In the same way, when you delegate something to your subconscious mind – listen to it and trust it’s power.
C) Fear
I have heard this sentence a lot, I said affirmations and did visualizations but I did not get results. Well, it’s because you probably indulged in fear thoughts, perhaps 10 minutes later and neutralized the good you had affirmed. Imagine you got into a taxi and asked the driver to take you to your home address, but after a few hundred meters you asked the driver to take you to a different address, after a short period you changed the address again. If you keep changing the destination a few hundred meters, the taxi driver will be confused, even if he wanted to follow your instructions – chances are he won’t be able. Where you would end up is anybody’s guess. It’s the same when working with the enormous power of your subconscious mind, you must have a clear idea in your mind, you must arrive at the definite decision that there is a way out, a solution to the problem as I mentioned a few minutes ago. The idea that realizes itself is the one to which we give the most concentrated attention, for example if you have an exam or interview – most of the time you will probably think about failure. As a result, it is a failure that the subconscious mind brings into reality. The fear of failure creates the experience of failure.
Here is a technique for overcoming fear, suppose you are afraid of swimming, begin now to sit still for 5 or 10 minutes four times a day. Put yourself into a state of deep relaxation, now imagine you are swimming, you feel the coolness of the water and the movements of the arms and legs. It is a real vivid and joyous activity of the mind. This is not idle daydreaming. You understand that what you are experiencing in your imagination will be developed in your subconscious mind. You will be forced to express the image you created in your deeper mind. Next time when you swim, it is that joy that will surface, this is the law of the subconscious, you can apply the same technique to other fears such as interviews, exams or public speaking.
How to visualize your goals
The easiest and most obvious way to visualize a goal is to see it in your minds eye as vividly as if it was alive. Now you might ask, is it possible to see things that don’t yet exist and the answer is yes of course. We can see things way before they exist. This is how the computer or the phone you are using right now came into existence, someone saw it before it existed. You have probably heard the saying don’t count your chickens before they hatch, but guess what? We humans can count our chicken’s way before they hatch. Architects do this all the time; they see the building in its complete form before it even existed. It may be an ugly or beautiful building, but it is being first created as a visualization. So, it is possible to see things before they exist. In fact, it would be foolish to start something without visualizing and seeing it first in your mind’s eye. For example, imagine you see a man building something and ask him what he is building and he replies, I have no idea what I am building here, I am putting bricks on top of each other and hoping it would turn up to be something nice. You would probably call the police to take away this crazy man so that he doesn’t harm himself or others.
So, it is not just possible but necessary to visualize and see things before they exist. The best time to visualize your goal is before you go to sleep or after meditation. The reason is when you are in a relaxed and sleepy state, the conflict between the conscious and subconscious mind is reduced. Which means the subconscious mind has an easier time to work on your goals.
Another benefit of visualization before sleep is that you give a task to your subconscious to work on while you sleep. Many people think you get tired during the day and you go to sleep to rest the body. But nothing rests in sleep, your heart, lungs and all your vital organ’s function while you are asleep. If you eat prior to sleep the food is digested. Your nails and hair continue to grow. In the same way your subconscious mind never rests or sleeps, it is always active controlling all your vital forces. You spend one third of your entire life in sleep and many answers to our problems come to us when we are asleep. Many famous people have understood this and used it very effectively to find solutions to the problems they are facing. Nicola Tesla and Albert Einstein are just a few of the many examples.
How to receive guidance from your subconscious
When you have to make a difficult decision or when you fail to see the solution to your problem, begin at once to think constructively about it. If you are fearful and worried, you are not really thinking. True thinking is free from fear, here is a simple technique you can use to receive guidance on any subject;
quiet the mind and still the body – tell the body to relax.
focus your thought on the solution to the problem.
try to solve it with your conscious mind.
think about how happy you would be about the perfect solution.
let you mind play with this mood of happiness in a relaxed way then drop off to sleep.
When you awaken, if you do not have the answer, get busy with something else. While you are preoccupied it is possible that the answer will pop into your mind. You do not always get the answer overnight so keep doing it. Believe that you will have the answer now. Feel the joy of the answer and the way you would feel if you had the perfect answer. Your subconscious will respond to your feelings. Guidance comes as a hunch, an awareness, a strong feeling that urges you to do certain things. Follow these feelings with faith and never doubt it’s power.
In the book there are several great examples, showing how people used this technique to find an answer or solution to their problem. The simplest example is one that happened to the author himself. The author says he used this technique to find his lost ring, after several repetitions one day, he got a hunch that he should ask his neighbor Robert. Didn’t make any sense since Robert was just a kid and there was no way, he would know where the ring was. Despite the hesitation the author asked. Robert said, oh yeah, I found it a few days ago and put it on the table at home. Let me go home and bring it.
How to use the subconscious mind for forgiveness
Life always forgives you. It forgives you when you cut your finger by healing the wound. When you burn your hand, it gives you new skin tissues. Life holds no resentment against you, it always forgives. But we can’t do the same, we feel guilty for years for the things we did in the past. We keep blaming ourselves and feel terrible every time we remember what we did or said. We all have one or two things that we did in the past that we regret and can’t forgive ourselves or others. Maybe you said something to your parents that hurt them a lot or did something to your friends that you shouldn’t have done. Years have passed but you are still feeling terrible.
If what I just described applies to you then this message is for you. Scientists tell us that every single cell in our body is replaced every 11 months, both physically and psychologically. It means that you are reborn every 11 months. The person who did something wrong 11 years ago is literally dead now. If you are still suffering for the things, you did a long time ago, then you are blaming an innocent person.
If you could relive the same event today, would you do and say things as you did years ago? Probably not, right? If that is the case, then wouldn’t it make sense just to forgive yourself and stop suffering for the mistakes of a dead person.
How to use the subconscious mind for healing
If you create a watch and one day that watch stops working, you would know how to fix it right? The subconscious mind is like a watch maker. It created your body and it knows exactly how to heal and restore all the vital functions of your body. Whether you are awake or asleep your subconscious mind controls all the processes of your body without the help of your conscious mind, your heart beats, you breathe etc.
If you were forced to operate your body’s functions with your conscious mind, you will probably die in a few minutes because the process is very complex. The heart lung machine that is used during open heart surgery is one of the wonders of modern medical technology. But what it does is infinitely simpler than what your subconscious mind does 24 hours a day every day. Your conscious mind cannot operate your body but it can get in the way of proper operation.
If you put an ordinary person into the cockpit of a plane, he would not know how to fly the plane, but he would definitely know how to distract the pilot and cause a problem. In a similar way, products of the conscious mind such as worry, anxiety, fear and depression interfere with the normal functioning of the heart, lungs and stomach and cause problems.
Stress creates problems for the harmonious functioning of your subconscious mind. When you feel physically and mentally disturbed, the best thing you can do is to let go, relax and slow down the wheels of your thought processes. Start guarding the door to your conscious mind and like a bodyguard guards the door, carefully watch all the ideas and thoughts trying to enter and only allow the positive ones in.
Feed your subconscious with thoughts of harmony, health and peace. And all the functions on your body will improve. Keep your conscious mind busy with the expectation of the best and your subconscious will produce your habitual thinking. Imagine the happy ending or solution to your problem and feel the thrill of accomplishment. The feeling of health produces health, the feeling of wealth produces wealth.
Keep this in mind at all times – your subconscious accepts what you feel to be true, the dominant idea is always accepted by your subconscious mind. The dominant idea should be health and wealth not poverty or illness.
