There was a time I lived in Nairobi with my wife and our two sons. We stayed in a small, struggling house—rent was only Ksh. 2,000, yet even that felt impossible to raise.
I was trying. Every single day, I went out to hustle. But most days, I came back with nothing.
My wife… she became our pillar. She was a teacher in a private school, but her salary was never certain. Some months she was paid, other months she wasn’t. Still, she carried us. She paid rent when she could. And through it all—she never complained.
But life was hard.
We were always behind on rent. The landlord kept coming. Many times, I was taken to the chief’s office in Kayole. I became a familiar face there. Imagine that—being known not for success, but for struggle.
Then one night, everything hit the lowest point.
It was around 9 p.m. I had just walked all the way from Mlolongo to Kayole. No money. No food. No hope. Just exhaustion and silence.
When I reached home, they were already at my door.
They took me again—to the chief’s office. This time, it was final. I was to be evicted immediately.
I sat there… broken.
Not just tired—but defeated.
I could barely speak. My spirit was empty.
I remember a moment before that night, when I looked at my wife and told her to leave me. I told her to take the children and go… because I felt like I was wasting her life.
But she refused.
She looked at me and said she was not complaining.
That broke me even more.
In that moment, I made a promise: “If we ever come out of this, I will never leave your side.”
And I have kept that promise. Because that woman covered my shame for many years.
That night at the chief’s office, the senior chief looked at me for a long time. Then he asked me, “Do you have land back home?”
I said no.
He told me to go back to the village. He said the life I was living was embarrassing… that I should go rebuild my dignity.
Those words were heavy.
But deep inside me… something refused to die.
A quiet voice kept whispering: “Not yet… not yet… your story is not over.”
I held on to that voice.
Today, I stand as a living testimony that pain does not have the final word.
Life will push you. It will strip you of dignity. It will expose your weaknesses and test your strength.
But if you hold on—if you keep your faith, if you refuse to give up—God will meet you in that darkness.
What I went through did not destroy me.
It built me.
And the rest… is history.
With love and gratitude, Your future self, Collins Otieno
Everyone has a different idea of what happiness is, but most of us want to be happier. So what can we learn from looking at the habits of happy people? Here are seven things to make you happy.
Sleep more
Most people don’t sleep enough. If you want to feel good about life, then try to sleep for at least seven hours at night.
Do some exercise
You don’t need to run for 20km for go to the gym every night, but a small amount of exercise will help you feel happy. Go for a short (10-15 minute) walk somewhere beautiful. It wakes up your brain.
Give to others
Research shows that giving money or time to help others makes you feel happier. Buying someone an unexpected present or spending some time doing voluntary work will give you a feeling of joy.
Be interested
Love what you do and try to learn something new. People who are curious and learn new things experience feelings of satisfaction and happiness.
Spend time with family and friends
This is probably the most important thing you can do. People who have a strong network of social relationships are not just happier; they live longer, too!
Focus on the moment
Try to find opportunities each day to enjoy the small things in life. Spend a little time on your own and just enjoy the moment.
Smile
Smile more (even when you’re feeling sad) Smiling can actually make you feel better. People who post big smiley photos of themselves on Facebook actually feel happier because they see the photo every day and it reminds them of happy times.
Struggle Is Good. Never say “I can’t take it anymore.” Say “ Bring it on!”
Don’t Complain. Complaining is the biggest waste of time there is. Either do something about it, and if you can’t, shut up about it.
Spend Time with People You Love. That’s your family and best friends. If you don’t have a family, create one. Most people in life are only visitors. Family is for life.
Don’t Start A Relationship If You’re Not In Love. I’ve done this more than once. You kind of like someone and think: “We might as well give it a shot.” Not a good idea. You’re either in love, or you are not. Don’t fool yourself. It’s not fair to you and the other person.
Exercise Daily. I didn’t get this until recently. A healthy body is where you have to start everything in life. If you can’t build a healthy and strong body, what CAN you build in life?
Keep a Journal. No, keeping a journal is not for children. It helps you to become a better thinker and writer. “I don’t want to be a writer” you might think. Well, how many emails and texts do you send a day? Everybody is a writer.
Be Grateful Say ‘thank you’ to everyone and everything. “Thank you for this beautiful day.” “Thank you for your email.” “Thank you for being there.”
Don’t Care About What People Think. We all die in the end; do you really think it matters what people think of you?
Take More Risks. Don’t be such a wimp.
Pick an Industry, Not A Job. Focus on a field you’re passionate about rather than a specific role. This approach offers flexibility, long-term growth and diverse opportunities withing the industry as your skills and interests evolve. For example, choosing the tech industry let’s you explore roles like digital marketing, project management, or software development, ensuring a broader career path.
Lead The Way. When you find yourself in a situation where everyone looks at each other, it’s time for you to lead. You’re a leader when you decide to become one. There’s no initiation or a title. Just a decision.
Money Isn’t Important. It really isn’t. But you have to train yourself not to care about money. Don’t become too dependent on the stuff you own – otherwise, the stuff will own you.
Be Nice. I don’t mean you should be a pushover. You can be someone that doesn’t take **** and be nice about it. Just don’t insult people, think you’re better than them, or act like an idiot.
Learn Every Day. You’ve got to train your brain to stay alert. You don’t have to read a book a day to learn every day. Learn from your mistakes. Learn from the people around you – be open to what they can teach you.
Rest Before You Are Tired. Even if you love your job, and every day seems like a holiday, you need to take time to rest. You’re a human and not an android, never forget that.
Don’t Judge. Just because people make different choices than you, they are not stupid. Also, you don’t know everything about people, so don’t judge them – help them.
Think About Others. Just be mindful, that’s all. We all have families, bills to pay, and our own issues. Don’t always make everything about yourself.
Give Without Expecting Something In Return. Don’t keep score. You will become a bitter person if you do that. Give solely for the joy of giving. If you get something in return, great, if you don’t, great.
There’s No End Game. We, as species, just are. Don’t try to figure it all out. Enjoy your journey.
Enjoy The Small Things. Find joy and contentment in the simple, everyday aspects of life rather than waiting for big, extraordinary events to bring happiness. It’s a reminder to appreciate the beauty and blessing in ordinary moments, like a kind smile, a warm cup of tea, a walk in nature, or a heartfelt conversation.
Don’t Take Yourself So Seriously. Yeah, yeah, you’re an individual, and people have to take you seriously, I get it. But at the end of the day, we’re all a bunch of ants trying to chase the same things. Lighten up.
Don’t Blame People. What’s the point? Do you want to punish them? You don’t do that to people. Also don’t blame yourself – you’re only human.
Create Something. Not to leave a legacy, you won’t be here to see it anyway, but to be of use. Make music, write a book, build a table, anything. You’ll feel good about yourself, plus you give something back to people to use or enjoy.
Never Look Back Too Long. Reflecting on the past is only good for one thing: Learning.
Take Action. Don’t just sit there, do something. Without action, there is no outcome. Develop yourself, learn a new skill or trade and add value to your life. Above all, always remain foolish in the sense that you have to yearn to seek more Knowledge/Wisdom from anyone and everything – then apply the same in your life.
“Your relationship with the world is a mirror reflection of the relationship with yourself.” — Kristina Mänd-Lakhani
There’s nothing worse than being your own worst enemy.
But when you become your own ally, you can transform your inner critic into an inspiring coach.
And you can’t master yourself without embracing yourself, flaws and all.
When you embrace your imperfections and practice self-compassion, they become your greatest keys to your personal growth and greatness.
Reconnect with your true self, practice self-love, and embrace your imperfections to become what you’re capable of.
Your Truth is Your Truth
If you are a truth seeker, your greatest adventure awaits:
Finding YOUR truth.
You should know that I am not going to tell you the truth you are seeking.
It won’t come from me.
Your truth is your truth, and my truth is mine.
All I can do is help you open yourself, find courage to take a flashlight and go into the basement of your beautiful building a perfect facade, and shine the light into the darkest corners of the most forgotten nooks and crannies.
It’s there that you will find your dragons which have been hiding in the dark, ignored and obliviated.
Unstoppable Quest: The Ultimate Journey of Authenticity and Truth
Authenticity cannot be easily switched on and off. Once you start your journey of self-discovery you can’t stop.
Once you set your foot on the path, you are on your own Hero’s Journey.
You have to walk the path, through mountains and forests, into the darkest cave.
You have to find that dragon and face it.
And if you live, you’ll come out the other side as a brand-new being.
Once you start walking, there’s no going back.
You see, authenticity is not a switch–you cannot flick it on and off at will.
It is like a skydive.
Once you step out of the plane door and pull the cord, your parachute opens and there is no way back–you cannot pack it back up int your bag mid-air and retrace your fall back up to the plane.”
Perfectionism is a Terrible Burden
Recognizing and accepting our present version is a vital step towards becoming the best version of ourselves.
Perfectionism is a terrible burden. We adopt it out of the best intentions because we want to be good; we want to be seen as someone who doesn’t make mistakes, who has life figured out, who is flawless.
But it is the one thing that often stands between us and real, lasting, deep happiness and the feeling of pace and fulfillment.
The solution is to embrace who you are while becoming who you can be:
“You might say, ‘Isn’t it good to strive to be a better version of me?’
You are right–of course it is good.
But you cannot become a better version of you, or any version of you for that matter, until you come to peace and accept the current version of you.’
Success Is a Byproduct of Happiness
Success is not a guaranteed path to happiness.
Many people mistakenly believe that they will find happiness once they achieve success.
However, it is happiness that can lead to success, not the other way around.
We often think that the path to happiness lies in success. It is a cultural axiom we don’t often challenge.
And this axiom, this delusion is why so many of us suffer from Hermione Syndrome, from perfectionism, the why we are so harsh toward ourselves, so self-critical, and find it hard to accept ourselves the way we are.
Because ultimately, we want to be happy, but we believe that the path to happiness lies through success, and success, naturally, requires perfection.
Your Self-Perception is Not Defined by the Outside World
When faced with criticism, your reaction depends on how much you believe the criticism to be true.
Criticism only affects you if it resonates with your self-perception.
Contrary to common belief, your self-perception is not defined by external factors.
Instead, how you react to the outside world is shaped by your own self-perception.
When you hear criticism about yourself or your actions, your reaction to the critical feedback depends on how much you believe it to be true.
You are more likely to be hurt by the criticism that you agree with on some level.
If you are emotional and someone throws an ‘Oh, don’t be so dramatic!’ at you, you will likely feel hurt.
But if someone criticizes you for something you don’t identify with at all, you are most likely going to feel nothing about such criticism.
In simple words, you would be upset if I said that green hair doesn’t look good on you, unless your hair really was green.
Authenticity Must Come Before Vulnerability
Authenticity is your relationship with yourself.
Vulnerability is your relationship with the outside world.
Your authenticity must come first, otherwise, your vulnerability is inauthentic.
Vulnerability is important. And I celebrate the fact that vulnerability has been normalized, and in fact, its value is now universally accepted.
But authenticity is more important, quite simply, because it must come first.
First, your relationship with yourself–authenticity.
And once this most important relationship is sorted, then comes your relationship with the outside world–aka vulnerability.
Being Authentic Allows You to Choose When to Be Vulnerable
You can be vulnerable without being authentic. You can simply expose your inner mess to the world.
But when you know your true self, your authentic self, you can choose when and what to share with the world.
Hence, equating vulnerability with authenticity misses the mark.
You can be completely delusional, live in your made-up world, resort to immature coping strategies rather than deal with painful emotions.
So, you can be vulnerable but stay inauthentic.
I’ll put it bluntly: you can vulnerably expose your messed-up inner psyche to the big, wide world and be no more honest with yourself.
On the other hand, you can be completely authentic, know yourself profoundly, face your dragons, stay true to yourself and still choose not to be vulnerable in certain circumstances.
Your World Reflects How You Feel About Yourself
Your experiences and interactions in the world are often a reflection of your own thoughts and feelings.
Your perceptions and attitudes towards others are more indicative of how you feel about yourself.
And the world will treat you the way you train it to treat you.
Our feelings and thoughts toward other people have more to do with us than with the people we are having feelings about.
Our thoughts about other people are reflections of how we feel about ourselves.
You see, the world will treat you the way you will train it to treat you.
It is hard to swallow, it may be unpleasant to admit, but, in most cases, that is exactly what happens.
If we don’t expect respect, we will very likely be insulted.
If we don’t expect justice, we will very likely be taken advantage of.
If we don’t expect love and acceptance, we are very likely going to be rejected.
You Wear Your Opinion About Yourself
Your self-perceptions and opinions about yourself act as your inner wardrobe.
Just as clothes affect your mindset and behavior, your opinions about yourself influence your personality.
They shape how you show up in different aspects of your life.
Just as when we wear costumes and different-style clothes to different occasions, and those costumes and clothes shape our personality in those circumstance.
When you go to a serious business meeting, you wear something profession, and you feel a little more professional and ready for the meeting.
When you go for a romantic date, you wear something hot, and it makes you feel more attractive.
When you put on your sports outfit and go to the gym, you feel a little more fit and energized the moment you put on those clothes.
We wear our opinions about yourselves, and they shape our personality the same way clothes do.
The Only Rejection to Fear is Your Own
The only rejection we truly need to fear is the rejection that comes from within ourselves.
You have the power to reject or accept yourself.
And you are often your own harshest critic.
So who has the power to reject or accept you?
You’ve guessed it: you.
You are your first critic.
And then you put on your own decisions like a dress and go out into the world with it, getting exactly what you expect.
When You Genuinely Accept Yourself, the World Will, Too
When you genuinely accept and embrace yourself, the world has no option but to accept you as well.
Even if the world does not accept you, it becomes inconsequential.
Your self-acceptance grants you the resilience and strength to not be affected by external judgment.
And so, here’s the most important point: the only person whose rejection you have to fear is your own.
As long as you can accept yourself, the world has no choice but to accept you as well.
And if it doesn’t, you won’t care anyway.
Why Rejecting Yourself is So Easy
Rejecting yourself can feel effortless due to the harsh and unkind nature of your self-talk.
Often, you speak to yourself in a way you would never, ever speak to another person.
Your mind internalizes these unkind thoughts and judgments and distorts your perception of yourself.
Your self-talk is often so harsh and unkind that you would never talk like that to another person.
And then your brain picks up those unkind thoughts and words, your judgment and criticism, and gets to work.
Your goal defines your perception, and you start setting proof of your unkindness toward yourself, and then, your hard and critical judgement of yourself becomes a ‘reality’ in your head.
No wonder rejecting yourself becomes so easy!
I’m not talking about absolute rejection or giving up on yourself.
I’m talking about the little stabs you give yourself for not being better, for not being perfect, for not being good enough.
Oh well–you know how many reasons there are to be hard on yourself!
Your Reality is Just an Illusion (Or Delusion)
Your perception of reality is often just an illusion or delusion.
Your reality is constructed by your own perceptions and beliefs.
Yet your ‘reality’ is just an illusion, a delusion, because it is created by you in the first place.
And the nature of self-deception is that you are usually not aware of being deceived.
If you were aware of delusion, it would become a point of view, a paradigm, a set of rules you consciously created for yourself.
But without the awareness, whatever goes through your head is feeding the delusion.
The Delusion of Your Reality
Even those who consider themselves clever, experienced, or sharp-minded can still fall victim to powerful illusions.
Your mind has a natural inclination to confirm your existing beliefs and perceptions, regardless of their accuracy.
And, if you think you are too clever, too experienced, too sharp to be deceived, here’s another interesting concept:
a powerful mind can create a bulletproof illusion.
We like to be right, and our brain is hard at work to prove us right, no matter the essence of what we want to be right about.
Your brain’s task., by default, is to make you think that you are right.
So, naturally, the more powerful the brain, the stronger the delusion.
What Your Quality of Life Consists Of
The quality of your life comes down to your decisions and habits, both conscious and unconscious.
You make anywhere between 70 and 35,000 decisions each day.
While significant choices and unexpected events may temporarily affect you, your overall quality of life is shaped by the smaller, daily decisions you make.
I believe that in spite of any big defining decisions, our quality of life consists of daily, mundane, small choices, thoughts, and feelings.
Yes, big decisions or unexpected life-changing events can throw you off balance for a while, but you will come back to your default state sooner or later, and your life will continue to be formed by your small, daily choices.
Your Daily Decisions Shape Your Life
Your conscious and unconscious decisions shape your life.
Examples Below:
Food choices: What we eat for breakfast or how we respond to hunger influences our well-being. Snacking, having a meal, or indulging in chocolate are all decisions with potential consequences.
Physical activity: Choosing to take the stairs instead of an elevator or escalator, deciding on transportation methods like driving, walking, or taking a bus affect our level of physical activity and health.
Interactions with others: How we handle conflicts, confrontations, or judgments from others plays a significant role in shaping our relationships. Our reactions and responses determine the quality of our interactions.
Leisure time and family interactions: How we unwind after work, engage with our families, and spend our weekends contribute to our overall well-being and happiness.
Dealing with setbacks: How we handle mistakes, rejection, and failure greatly impacts our resilience and ability to bounce back. Our self-talk, the conclusions we draw, and how quickly we recover from setbacks shape our personal growth.
True Emotional Intelligence is Learning to Be at Peace with Yourself
Your emotional intelligence starts with your relationships with yourself.
You begin your journey towards self-discovery by prioritizing your emotional well-being.
You need to find your inner harmony by embracing and accepting your complete range of your human emotions and your personal experiences.
I believe that the path back to you starts with emotional well-being.
Emotional well-being is coming to peace with the full spectrum of our expressions, with our experiences and every emotion.
It is then that we are ready to return to who we truly are.
Emotional Intelligence is the central piece in this puzzle.
And while all my previous examples were about your relationships with the world and other people, true emotional intelligence is learning to be at peace with yourself.
You Can’t Help Anyone if You’re Not Happy
Sacrificing your own happiness for the sake of others is self-deception.
While you may believe you are making noble sacrifices, your loved ones can see through this facade.
Those you love don’t need your sacrifices. They need you to be genuinely happy.
You cannot help anyone if you are not happy.
You may fool yourself into believing that you are sacrificing your happiness for the sake of people you love, but it is a lie.
You can fool yourself, but you will not fool your loved ones–your children, your loving intuitive mother, or your partner who might be able to decipher your mood from the way you breathe.
The people that you love do not need your sacrifice–they need you to be happy.
So not only is your sacrifice of personal happiness pointless, but it is also a heavy burden on those who you so selflessly want to make the offering.”
Self-Deception is Not Lying to Yourself
Don’t equate self-deception with intentionally lying to yourself.
Your cognitive biases and mental shortcuts distort your perception.
The human brain has a tendency to fill gaps, chaos, and uncertainty with imagination.
It’s your brain’s way of tricking you into perceiving the world in a manner that’s more advantageous to you.
In short, your brain doesn’t like gaps, chaos, or uncertainty, so it fills the gaps with imagination and presents it as reality.
There are many curious phenomena that prove that your brain is hard at work tricking you, such as various cognitive biases, which distort your perception of real events.
Or the tendency to use mental shortcuts while making decisions and then seeking out proof of being right the moment the decision has been made.
And I could go on and on with a list of the tricks that your brain uses on you: optical illusions, inattentional blindness, phantom pains, placebo, just to mention a few familiar ones.
And, of course, any kind of illusions and biases, even if you are blissfully unaware of being tricked can distort your perception of reality.
So, it would be right to say that self-deception is not you lying to yourself, but your brain tricking you into viewing the world in a way that is most beneficial to you.”
Honesty and Kindness Go Hand in Hand
Honesty and kindness are interconnected and should go hand in hand.
She argues that honesty, while important, must always be accompanied by kindness.
Honesty without kindness can be cruel, mean-spirited, and ultimately unhelpful.
On the other hand, kindness alone, without honesty, is also flawed. It can easily devolve into flattery, which opens the door to manipulation.
Honesty, no matter how necessary, has to be laden with kindness.
For honesty without kindness is mean, cruel, and unhelpful.
And honesty which is masquerading to look like care and compassion is the worst kind, because it is actually gaslighting, a farce, and not really honest.
It’s like ‘tough love,’ which is neither love nor honesty.
…
Yet kindness without honesty is also flawed, as it quickly becomes flattery.
And flattery is a gateway to manipulation.
There is a big difference between a sincere compliment from the heart and pleasantries and niceties, which are liberally shared just to make you feel good.
While you might appreciate the effort of someone pleasing you, there is something unsettling about insincerity.
If you have ever been lavishly praised for something trivial you know how uncomfortable it feels.
Transformation Starts with Kindness Towards Yourself
Your transformation starts with self-kindness.
Self-kindness fosters self-acceptance, courage, wisdom, and the belief in your potential to become better.
Change is not a natural consequence of pain; it is often a sign of healing. Only when you are ready to heal will you find in you what it takes to start growing again.
And that moment is marked with kindness.
Transformation starts with kindness toward yourself.
Kindness gives you courage to be honest with yourself and wisdom to accept yourself the way you are.
It will also give you the certainty that you have what it takes to go out and be brave and become better.
Don’t Miss the Depth and Essence of Self-Love
While self-care can be beneficial, you need to prioritize and embrace the depth and essence of self-love.
Self-care is surface-level actions.
Self-love involves a continuous attitude of self-acceptance, compassion, and appreciation.
Neglecting self-love can have immediate and profound consequences.
Self-care is usually skin-deep (massage, facial, manicure), while self-love penetrates much deeper.
Self-care relies on rituals (exercise, meditation, walk), while self-love is a constant attitude, and so there is no big harm missing self-care from time to time–you can pick it up where you dropped it off.
Missing self-love on the other hand, can cause real immediate damage.
Self-care is about taking time for yourself, indulging yourself, pampering yourself, while self-love doesn’t take any time, but it permeates your life every single moment.
Self-care is often physical, whereas self-love doesn’t really have a physical component.
But most importantly if you get caught up in self-care, you might miss the depth and essence of self-love.
Self-Love Trumps Self-Care Any Day
Self-care can never compensate for the power and significance of self-love.
Self-love is the ultimate goal.
Self-love is accepting yourself even in the face of failures or deviations from your ideal practices.
Without self-love you are subject to shame, self-blame, and negative self-talk.
Self-care is about surviving, while self-love is about thriving.
Self-care is incredibly important–you should take care of your body; it is the temple of your soul.
But if you were to err and fall, can you still love yourself?
If you were to fail at your strict diet, or stay up all night indulging in a movie, or skip your yoga class, or wake up one day feeling cranky and moody, would you be able to still love yourself?
I would like to argue that the harm that your failing of a self-care ritual would cause your body is not as grave as your blaming, shaming, and disappointed self-talk.
That excessive glass of wine is not as bad for your body as hating yourself for it.
That lack of sleep and sluggishness is not as bad for your future as you are panicking and beating yourself up for it.
Your self-care will never compensate for your self-love, but your self-love will always trump self-care any day.
The above is a summary of the book “Becoming Flawesome”, by Kristina Mänd-Lakhani
“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.”
I’m a fan of self-reflection.
I think it can help you avoid being the frog in the boiling pot (that doesn’t know when to get out.) I think the trick is using the right sets of questions.
If you use weekly reflection, you can see the patterns in the problems you face and how you solve them. You’ll be able to see how your responses change over time.
Don’t Blame Situations for Your Troubles
Are you owning your actions and results? Are you as proactive as you can be?
Watkins writes:
“Now focus on the biggest challenges or difficulties you are facing.
Be honest with yourself.
Are your difficulties situational or do their sources lie within you?
Even experienced and skilled people blame problems on the situation rather than their own actions.
The net effect is that they are less proactive than they could be.”
I suggest setting aside 15 minutes at the end of each week to reflect on the following questions.
1. What do you feel so far?
On a scale of high to low, do you feel:
Excited? If not, why not? What can you do about it?
Confident? If not, why not? What can you do about it?
In control of your success? If not, why not? what can you do about it?
2. What has bothered you so far?
With whom have you failed to connect? Why?
Of the meetings you have attended, which has been the most troubling? Why?
Of all that you have seen or heard, what has disturbed you most? Why?
3. What has gone well or poorly?
Which interactions would you handled differently if you could? Which exceeded your expectations? Why?
Which of your decisions have turned out particularly well? Not so well? Why?
What missed opportunities do you regret the most? Was a better result blocked by you or by something beyond your control?
Use what you learn to improve and get better where it counts.
10 lessons from John Maxwell’s book Success Is a Choice: Make the Choices that Make You Successful:
Believe in yourself. The first step to success is to believe in yourself and your ability to achieve your goals. If you don’t believe in yourself, no one else will.
Fire up your passion. When you’re passionate about what you’re doing, you’re more likely to be successful. Find something that you’re passionate about and pursue it with all your heart.
Initiate action. Don’t just sit around and wait for things to happen. Take action towards your goals every day.
Focus your energy. Don’t try to do too many things at once. Focus your energy on the most important things that will help you achieve your goals.
Develop good relationships. Relationships are essential for success. Build strong relationships with people who can support you and help you achieve your goals.
Embrace practice. The more you practice, the better you will become. Practice your skills on a regular basis.
Persevere through setbacks. Everyone experiences setbacks from time to time. Don’t give up on your goals when things get tough. Persevere through the setbacks and keep moving forward.
Learn from your mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes. The important thing is to learn from your mistakes and move on.
Celebrate your successes. Take the time to celebrate your successes along the way. This will help you stay motivated and keep moving forward.
Give back to others. Once you’ve achieved success, give back to others and help them reach their goals.
Maxwell’s book is a powerful and inspiring guide to achieving success. It is a must-read for anyone who wants to live a more fulfilling and successful life.
Here is an additional lesson from the book:
Be grateful. Take the time to be grateful for what you have. Gratitude will help you stay positive and motivated on your journey to success.
I hope these lessons are helpful. Good luck on your journey to success!
And what we do is we put the child into the corridor of this grade system and enroll for the kindergaten. And that’s a great thing because when you finish that you will get into first grade. And first grade leads to second grade and so on and so forth. Then you get out of grade school, you go to high school, then college and the graduate school. And when you are through with graduate school you go out to join the world. And then you get into some racket way of selling insurance or some other rate race. And all that time the thing is coming, it’s coming, that great thing, the success that you have been working for, then when you wake up one day about forty years old, you say My God, I have arrived, I’m there. And you don’t feel very different from what you always felt. And there is a slight let down because you feel like there’s been a hoax. And there was a hoax! A dreadful hoax. They made you miss everything. We thought of life by an analogy with a journey, with a pilgrimage. Which had a serious purpose at the end. The thing was to get to that end, success or whatever it is or maybe heaven after your death. But we missed the point the whole way along. It was a musical thing and you were supposed to sing or to dance while the music was being played.
When I speak about knowing my worth, it’s not coming from a place of ego or arrogance. I stand by my positive attributes with conviction, but the difference is I’m conscious of my shortfalls and work on them everyday. When somebody holds a space in my heart, there is nothing I wouldn’t do for them. Generosity, patience, and loyalty are traits of mine cherished dearly by those who know me. But I won’t pretend other emotions don’t consume me. Because they do. However, it is my unwavering devotion to give the positivity inside me a stronger voice – one which overrides all. When I say I know my worth, it’s because I’ve done the work to get here. It’s because I continue doing so, I Know what I have to offer. And I stand strong in that fact alone.
Proficiency in English enhances job prospects, as many multinational companies require it. Moreover, the internet, a treasure trove of information, is predominantly in English. English literature and media expose us to diverse cultures and ideas.
The difference between the conscious and the subconscious mind.
The conscious mind is like the captain of a ship. The captain stays on the deck and can see where they are sailing and can control everything. On the other hand, engineers who are responsible for controlling the engines and the other instruments, can’t see what is going on outside the ship. They are inside the ship following orders coming from the captain. The engineers are like the subconscious mind, the engineers do not know where they are going, they simply follow orders. They would go on the rocks if the captain issued wrong orders. They obey the captain because he is in charge, he is supposed to know what he is doing. In the same way your conscious mind is the captain of your ship, your body and your environment.
Your subconscious mind takes the orders you give it based on what your conscious mind believes and accepts as true. It does not question the orders, it doesn’t engage on whether your thoughts are good or bad, true or false. It responds according to the nature of your thoughts. The subconscious mind is like the soil, whatever seed you plant there it will grow. Soil does not say, let me prioritize this apricot seed over another seed and give more nourishment because it will bear fruits one day. It grows whatever you plant there without differentiating what seed you have planted. Your subconscious mind also does not understand a joke, it takes you at your word.
Under hypnosis if a practiced hypnotist holds a cup of water under your nose and tells you that it is a cup full of pepper you will start sneezing or if a hypnotist tells you that you are a cat or dog you will start behaving like a cat or dog. Your subconscious mind does not have the ability to argue or dispute, if you give it wrong information it will accept it as true.
That is why if you repeatedly say to yourself, I can’t afford it, your subconscious mind takes you at your word and as long as you keep on saying I can’t afford that car, that vacation, that home, you can be sure your subconscious mind will follow your orders. You will go through life experiencing the lack of all these things and you will believe that circumstances made it so, it will not occur to you that you have created those circumstances yourself by your own thoughts.
You have a fundamental right to be rich
Don’t let anyone make you feel ashamed of your desire to be rich. It is not only good but very good to be rich. When your blood is circulating freely in your body, you are healthy. When money is circulating freely in your life, you are economically healthy. There is nothing wrong with being economically healthy, there is no virtue in poverty, it is an illness like any other mental illness. If you were physically ill you would realize that there is something wrong with you, you would seek help and try to cure the condition at once. In the same way, if you do not have enough money constantly circulating in your life, there is something radically wrong with you. But have you ever thought about what is wrong with you and why you can’t get what you want.
For many people, there are three key reasons; you can also call them emotions that are holding them back from success.
A) Envy
When I was a kid playing with my friends in the neighborhood, we would very often see a young guy driving an expensive car. With my friends we would all look at the car with envy and then say things like, God knows what kind of illegal things this guy did to buy such a luxury car at a young age or why can such arrogant guys drive a luxury car but not us. Basically, we would talk all sorts of envious things behind the guy’s back without even knowing him or what he does. After reading books similar to this one, I completely changed my behavior.
The reason I changed is those entertaining envious thoughts are devastating. It places you in a negative position, therefore wealth flows away from you instead of to you. If you get annoyed or irritated by the prosperity or great wealth of another, then you have pushed wealth away from you. Remember that you lose what you condemn. You cannot attract what you criticize or envy. Would you stay with a girlfriend or boyfriend who constantly criticizes you? Of course, not and neither will wealth. If you have thought envious things about anyone’s wealth. Stop doing it for your own benefit.
The thought you have about the other person is your thought because you are thinking it. Therefore, you actually create in your own experience what you think and feel about the other person. The suggestion you give to another, you give to yourself as well because your mind is the source that created those thoughts. Your subconscious mind records it and plays it back to you. These days when I see a young guy driving a nice car I truly feel happy for him. I feel happy that he is blessed to drive such a nice car, in my mind I wish him the best and thank him for motivating me and showing me what is possible. I say to myself, if he can do it, I can do it as well.
B) You are trying too hard
Suppose you were asked to walk along along a narrow plank that is on the floor, you would do it easily without question. But now suppose the same plank was 50 meters high between two walls, would you still do it? Probably not. Your desire to walk the length of the plant would come into conflict with you imagination, you would imagine falling down. You might very much want to walk across the plank but your fear of falling would keep you from being able to do it. The more effort you put into conquering your imagination, the greater strength is given to the idea of falling. The thought I will use my willpower to overcome my failure leads to failure. It’s like not deciding to think about a green hippo, the decision makes the idea of a green hippo dominate the mind and the subconscious always responds more to the dominant idea and since most of the time the dominant idea is failure, that is exactly what ends up happening.
So, what is the source of the problem here? The problem is that you are trying too hard. Never try to force the subconscious mind to accept your idea by using willpower. Such attempts are doomed to failure, you will get the opposite of what you want. The effortless way is better, you are probably familiar with this situation. You go to an exam and you feel as you know it well, but when you face and exam paper you mind goes blank. All your knowledge of the subject has suddenly disappeared, you can’t recall a single relevant thought, the harder you try, the further the knowledge seems to run. When you leave the exam room, the mental pressure eases and suddenly the answers you were hunting for so desperately a few minutes ago, flow back into your mind. The mistake you made was to try to force yourself to remember. So, what is the solution then. Relaxation. Don’t push yourself so hard to find the solution or look hard for ways to reach your goal. Just know what the end result will look and feel the happiness you would feel if you achieved that goal. Feeling and imagination are the most important factors for the subconscious mind. Your new idea must be felt in a finished state, if you do that then your subconscious mind will work hard to find ways to reach your goal. Your will start getting new ideas, you will start meeting new people and seeing new solutions. It’s super important to be open to new solutions at these times. Sometimes we are so fixated on how the end solution should look like, that we don’t see the perfect solution presented by the subconscious mind, for example…. A few months ago, I had a financial goal to reach, I wanted to make a certain about of money by a certain date so I would visualize my goal and imagine how great I would feel if I earned that much money. For a while, I thought I would make that money through my YouTube channel, so I focused all my attention on the channel, but somehow, I could not get any results. But on the other hand, I was getting great real estate deals. At the time I was not planning to buy a property but somehow, I was being pushed toward real estate. For a while I ignored it because I thought the best way to reach the goal was through my channel and focusing on real estate would push me away from my goal. But after a while the signs got so strong that I had to give it a try, within weeks I found myself buying a new property. Everything went so smoothly and I closed the deal very quickly. The most shocking part is when I was doing the numbers on the deal, the amount of money I was going to make was almost 100% identical to the amount I had on my financial goal and let me tell you it was not a small amount and the difference was just a few dollars. My mind was blown away.
The moral of this story is to explain to you the importance of being open to new solutions when working with the subconscious mind and not getting stuck with one solution that you think is right. It is not your job to know how you will reach the destination, your job is to know where you are going, your subconscious mind will find the best way to get there. Imagine it in this way, when you go to the doctor you first explain what the problem is then listen to the solution right. You don’t suggest solutions to your problem, if you were that smart and knew the solution you would not come to the doctor in the first place. If you have come to the doctor then, sit there and listen to the solution. Finding the solution is the doctor’s job, not yours. In the same way, when you delegate something to your subconscious mind – listen to it and trust it’s power.
C) Fear
I have heard this sentence a lot, I said affirmations and did visualizations but I did not get results. Well, it’s because you probably indulged in fear thoughts, perhaps 10 minutes later and neutralized the good you had affirmed. Imagine you got into a taxi and asked the driver to take you to your home address, but after a few hundred meters you asked the driver to take you to a different address, after a short period you changed the address again. If you keep changing the destination a few hundred meters, the taxi driver will be confused, even if he wanted to follow your instructions – chances are he won’t be able. Where you would end up is anybody’s guess. It’s the same when working with the enormous power of your subconscious mind, you must have a clear idea in your mind, you must arrive at the definite decision that there is a way out, a solution to the problem as I mentioned a few minutes ago. The idea that realizes itself is the one to which we give the most concentrated attention, for example if you have an exam or interview – most of the time you will probably think about failure. As a result, it is a failure that the subconscious mind brings into reality. The fear of failure creates the experience of failure.
Here is a technique for overcoming fear, suppose you are afraid of swimming, begin now to sit still for 5 or 10 minutes four times a day. Put yourself into a state of deep relaxation, now imagine you are swimming, you feel the coolness of the water and the movements of the arms and legs. It is a real vivid and joyous activity of the mind. This is not idle daydreaming. You understand that what you are experiencing in your imagination will be developed in your subconscious mind. You will be forced to express the image you created in your deeper mind. Next time when you swim, it is that joy that will surface, this is the law of the subconscious, you can apply the same technique to other fears such as interviews, exams or public speaking.
How to visualize your goals
The easiest and most obvious way to visualize a goal is to see it in your minds eye as vividly as if it was alive. Now you might ask, is it possible to see things that don’t yet exist and the answer is yes of course. We can see things way before they exist. This is how the computer or the phone you are using right now came into existence, someone saw it before it existed. You have probably heard the saying don’t count your chickens before they hatch, but guess what? We humans can count our chicken’s way before they hatch. Architects do this all the time; they see the building in its complete form before it even existed. It may be an ugly or beautiful building, but it is being first created as a visualization. So, it is possible to see things before they exist. In fact, it would be foolish to start something without visualizing and seeing it first in your mind’s eye. For example, imagine you see a man building something and ask him what he is building and he replies, I have no idea what I am building here, I am putting bricks on top of each other and hoping it would turn up to be something nice. You would probably call the police to take away this crazy man so that he doesn’t harm himself or others.
So, it is not just possible but necessary to visualize and see things before they exist. The best time to visualize your goal is before you go to sleep or after meditation. The reason is when you are in a relaxed and sleepy state, the conflict between the conscious and subconscious mind is reduced. Which means the subconscious mind has an easier time to work on your goals.
Another benefit of visualization before sleep is that you give a task to your subconscious to work on while you sleep. Many people think you get tired during the day and you go to sleep to rest the body. But nothing rests in sleep, your heart, lungs and all your vital organ’s function while you are asleep. If you eat prior to sleep the food is digested. Your nails and hair continue to grow. In the same way your subconscious mind never rests or sleeps, it is always active controlling all your vital forces. You spend one third of your entire life in sleep and many answers to our problems come to us when we are asleep. Many famous people have understood this and used it very effectively to find solutions to the problems they are facing. Nicola Tesla and Albert Einstein are just a few of the many examples.
How to receive guidance from your subconscious
When you have to make a difficult decision or when you fail to see the solution to your problem, begin at once to think constructively about it. If you are fearful and worried, you are not really thinking. True thinking is free from fear, here is a simple technique you can use to receive guidance on any subject;
quiet the mind and still the body – tell the body to relax.
focus your thought on the solution to the problem.
try to solve it with your conscious mind.
think about how happy you would be about the perfect solution.
let you mind play with this mood of happiness in a relaxed way then drop off to sleep.
When you awaken, if you do not have the answer, get busy with something else. While you are preoccupied it is possible that the answer will pop into your mind. You do not always get the answer overnight so keep doing it. Believe that you will have the answer now. Feel the joy of the answer and the way you would feel if you had the perfect answer. Your subconscious will respond to your feelings. Guidance comes as a hunch, an awareness, a strong feeling that urges you to do certain things. Follow these feelings with faith and never doubt it’s power.
In the book there are several great examples, showing how people used this technique to find an answer or solution to their problem. The simplest example is one that happened to the author himself. The author says he used this technique to find his lost ring, after several repetitions one day, he got a hunch that he should ask his neighbor Robert. Didn’t make any sense since Robert was just a kid and there was no way, he would know where the ring was. Despite the hesitation the author asked. Robert said, oh yeah, I found it a few days ago and put it on the table at home. Let me go home and bring it.
How to use the subconscious mind for forgiveness
Life always forgives you. It forgives you when you cut your finger by healing the wound. When you burn your hand, it gives you new skin tissues. Life holds no resentment against you, it always forgives. But we can’t do the same, we feel guilty for years for the things we did in the past. We keep blaming ourselves and feel terrible every time we remember what we did or said. We all have one or two things that we did in the past that we regret and can’t forgive ourselves or others. Maybe you said something to your parents that hurt them a lot or did something to your friends that you shouldn’t have done. Years have passed but you are still feeling terrible.
If what I just described applies to you then this message is for you. Scientists tell us that every single cell in our body is replaced every 11 months, both physically and psychologically. It means that you are reborn every 11 months. The person who did something wrong 11 years ago is literally dead now. If you are still suffering for the things, you did a long time ago, then you are blaming an innocent person.
If you could relive the same event today, would you do and say things as you did years ago? Probably not, right? If that is the case, then wouldn’t it make sense just to forgive yourself and stop suffering for the mistakes of a dead person.
How to use the subconscious mind for healing
If you create a watch and one day that watch stops working, you would know how to fix it right? The subconscious mind is like a watch maker. It created your body and it knows exactly how to heal and restore all the vital functions of your body. Whether you are awake or asleep your subconscious mind controls all the processes of your body without the help of your conscious mind, your heart beats, you breathe etc.
If you were forced to operate your body’s functions with your conscious mind, you will probably die in a few minutes because the process is very complex. The heart lung machine that is used during open heart surgery is one of the wonders of modern medical technology. But what it does is infinitely simpler than what your subconscious mind does 24 hours a day every day. Your conscious mind cannot operate your body but it can get in the way of proper operation.
If you put an ordinary person into the cockpit of a plane, he would not know how to fly the plane, but he would definitely know how to distract the pilot and cause a problem. In a similar way, products of the conscious mind such as worry, anxiety, fear and depression interfere with the normal functioning of the heart, lungs and stomach and cause problems.
Stress creates problems for the harmonious functioning of your subconscious mind. When you feel physically and mentally disturbed, the best thing you can do is to let go, relax and slow down the wheels of your thought processes. Start guarding the door to your conscious mind and like a bodyguard guards the door, carefully watch all the ideas and thoughts trying to enter and only allow the positive ones in.
Feed your subconscious with thoughts of harmony, health and peace. And all the functions on your body will improve. Keep your conscious mind busy with the expectation of the best and your subconscious will produce your habitual thinking. Imagine the happy ending or solution to your problem and feel the thrill of accomplishment. The feeling of health produces health, the feeling of wealth produces wealth.
Keep this in mind at all times – your subconscious accepts what you feel to be true, the dominant idea is always accepted by your subconscious mind. The dominant idea should be health and wealth not poverty or illness.
Rich people put most of their spending power into buying assets (stuff that makes them money over time) instead of liabilities (stuff that costs them money over time).
Instead of buying, for example, a flashy Lamborghini that loses a third of its value as soon as you drive off the lot, a truly rich person will take that same chunk of change and buy a two-family duplex and rent it out.
They don’t care what you think of them or whether you’re impressed. They’re happy to just cash your rent checks and let you pay their mortgage.
2. Have an abundance mindset
So many people have a scarcity mindset — a constant feeling that we’re never going to have enough money, that we’re one slip-up away from disaster and we have to hoard every last cent.
The problem with this mindset is that it can make people very competitive with other folks in similar financial situations. So you have people at the bottom of the pyramid spending all their time and energy fighting each other for resources, instead of trying to overthrow those at the top.
Rich people have an abundance mindset. Since they know they’re going to be able to take care of their bills, they’re not worried. This gives them the freedom to decide what they want to do with their time, rather than only focusing on what they need to do to survive.
3. Think long-term
Rich people understand that sometimes, things take time, and they’re happy to wait. They’re kings and queens of delayed gratification.
A rich person has no problem, for example, socking away money in a retirement account. Yes, the $6,000 they invested in their Government Revenue Account this year is off-limits until they’re 59-and-a-half.
But they know that just because they can’t spend that money now, it’s not like it has disappeared. It’s actually the opposite: the longer they wait, the more money they get later on.
4. Share, swap and scratch each other’s backs
Rich people love being known as the smartest person in their friend group: the one with the best taste, who is on top of all the trends. You’ll often hear them say things like:
“I have this great tax person — you should work with them.”
“I found the best coffee bar — you have to try the latte.”
“I joined the best country club — and I’ll sponsor you to join, too.”
They recognize that when they’re open about their knowledge, other people will be more inclined to share what they know. It is another valuable form of currency, and it’s the same reason rich people love nothing more than putting their besties in positions of power.
Their thought process is: “I’m not qualified for this job, but my friend is, and once she gets it, she’ll owe me a solid. Then, as soon as she’s in a leadership position, I’m automatically tapped into that whole network.”
Yes, it’s because they like to see their friends succeed, but it’s also because they’re thinking strategically — and towards the future.
Follow the above rules and guaranteed your finances will greatly improve.
Manage your time by well by splitting your day into blocks.
It takes approximately 15minutes to get back to your tasks when you are stopped to check emails or text messages. On average 28% of employees days are spent managing interruptions and refocusing on what they are doing. In a 40 hour work week that is 11 hours of time wasted.
That is why it’s advisable to separate your day into three blocks.
Block Number 1. Strategic Block
This is the time block when you work on strategic tasks minimum 3 hours, no emails, no talking to colleagues, no daydreaming about what you are going to eat for lunch.
Block Number 2. Buffer Block
The purpose of this block is to handle those small tasks such as email or calling your dad e.t.c
Block Number 3. Break Out Block
Success is not about working hard all the time, you must allow your mind to rest and recharge so that you can always work at your full capacity and focus.
Tip number 2.
Work life balance is a lie.
You struggle to find a balance between work, family, friends, health and personal time so you decide to give equal time and energy to each of them.
The problem is that when you do that you over extend and become frustrated. Success can’t be achieved by balancing your time in each area of your life.
Success happens when you intentionally create an imbalance and direct the time and energy towards one or two areas of your life.
Different moments in life will require different amounts of energy and there is nothing wrong with that. The purpose of intentional imbalance is to put your energy where you want it to go.
Tip number 3.
Avoid having too many goals.
Having too many goals means having too many strategies and obstacles. They will quickly drain your energy and will make you give up.
Tip number 4.
Create a routine.
Your execution will suffer a lot if you do not form a routine.
You need a routine for everything, from your sleep, to the time you work or study.
Tip number 5.
Create your model week.
Your model week is kind of like your perfect scenario where you get everything done.
Once you start designing your model week you will quickly be able to say if your plan is realistic or not. If your plan isn’t realistic, you will not be able to find some space on your weekly calendar to put some of the tasks.
Make sure to do this before you start your week one.
Tip number 6.
Avoid focusing on tasks that involve your weaknesses.
Most tasks that you are working on should be based on your strengths, not your weaknesses.
Tip number 7.
You are allowed to say NO, when someone invites you somewhere or someone asks you to commit to something. Say No as often as you can.
Tip number 8.
Don’t multitask. When you spread your attention too thin, over multiple directions. You are not fully applying yourself to any tasks, you are overworked and tired.
Burnout is a likely result and in the end you haven’t mastered anything, you have just become mediocre at several things.
Tip number 9.
Some tasks will not get done and it is okay. Many people believe they can do it all and work day and night to catch up with everything on their plate.
They focus on what they can do quickly to get it out of the way, which puts their strategic tasks in danger. Some tasks will eventually fall through the cracks and it is okay. However those tasks should never be the strategic ones.
Tip number 10.
Celebrate. Even if you did not reach your goals, you still have three more chances and you probably made tons of progress. So celebrate and start and start again.
